Families with pets will eventually have to deal with the death of a pet, which is difficult for both the adults as well as the children in the house. In a great many of families and cases the death of a beloved dog, cat, bird or gerbil is the first close death that children will be exposed to. It is important for parents to talk to kids about death and allow them to grieve for the pet.

One of the worst things that parents can do is to lie to the child about the pet. Some parent's mistakenly believe that if they simply tell the children that the dog ran away or they gave the dog to some other family that the kids will eventually stop asking about the dog and will accept the fact that the dog is no longer in the family. In reality this leaves the children in limbo about the pet, constantly looking for the dog, trying to find out where the dog is and eventually, at some point in time, coming the realization that Mom and Dad lied to them.

Rather than making up a story or talking to the children in vague ways about the death of a family dog, start by preparing yourself. As the parent or adult in the child's life it is important that you share the necessary information with the child but also let the child know it is OK to be sad and that grieving or missing the pet is normal and natural. It is also important to not minimize the child's feelings or try to swap in a new pet for the deceased pet as a way to minimize the child's reaction to the news. If you aren't personally comfortable with talking to the children you may wish to have a family member, the child's other parent, the vet, a friend or even a counselor at the child's school help you explain the death of the pet to the child. Talking with another adult before talking to the child or children will also help you in developing the way you are going to tell the child the information. The other adult may also help you in preparing how to answer questions that the children may have.

The first and most important consideration is to talk in clear and simple terms that the child can understand. This means use the words the children know, not the vague terms often used to describe death. Using the word death is much clearer than using terms such as "passed on", "passed away" or even "was lost to us". Although as adults the meaning to these gentle phrases is clear, they can be very confusing and ambiguous to children.

Kids often don't see the pain or discomfort that dog may be experiencing due to an illness or condition. They may believe that the dog was very healthy, despite what you may have talked about with the children about how the dog was sick or was getting old and needed special treatment. In cases where the parents have made the decision to euthanize the dog for medical reasons, children do need to know that Mom and/or Dad only made this decision because the dog was in a lot of pain and wasn't able to do the things that a healthy dog would be able to do. Again wording is important and children should not be confused with terms like "put down" or "put to sleep". Use the term euthanized to explain that this means that the vet gave the dog a needle that helped her or him to die without having any pain or suffering. Kids may have lots of questions about this and so you should be prepared to talk about how this is a decision that pet owners make because they love the pet and they don't want to see him or her suffer. It is also important to clarify that pets can be euthanized but only by the vet who also has to follow guidelines and rules to end the dog's pain and suffering.

If at all possible talk to your children in advance of making the decision to euthanize the dog. Explain how the dog is suffering or is experiencing life and that there is no other treatments available. Allow the children to ask questions and answer them if you can or research the answers with the children online. If the questions that the children have are medical in nature talk to the vet about meeting with the children to answer the questions. Don't ask the child to make the decision on his or her own, this is too much for most kids. Typically most children will accept the process of euthanasia once they understand how the dog is suffering and that this is the only option to end the dog's life without any more pain.

Deciding if the child should be in the clinical setting when the pet is euthanized is best decided by the family. Some children will want to be with their pet and others may find this simply too emotional and painful. It may be helpful to provide closure for the child if he or she is able to say goodbye to the dog for a few minutes and then leave the room during the few seconds it takes to administer the needle. The child could then come in to say a final very brief goodbye, which may assist the child in accepting the death of the dog as a peaceful and natural event. If children are going to stay in the room the vet should explain that the dog will stop breathing but his or her eyes will stay open and sometimes there will be small nervous reactions after death that may look like movement. The vet should also explain to the children if a dog has died in a medical procedure or if they were involved in some type of accident that caused death, especially if the family is present at the clinic or hospital.

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