OK... I know some of you are parents out there..and well, I just don't know who else to turn to. As some of you may know..DH is in the military and is over seas..doing what military men do when we are at war..anyway, I just have no one else to turn to..sure I have friends, but they are all biased..my family and in-laws are biased as well...they love their Grandchild and would tell me anything so that she doesn't get in trouble..but my problem is way more serious than that..and that is why I am turning to my TP pals...Yes, I have drama in my life..if you don't want to read any more off topic posts..then in the nicest way possible..please stop reading and go back to the discussion page..this is TOTALLY OFF TOPIC!!! So I was vacuuming my ceiling fans earlier (I got the new, larger sweeper thing and got on a cleaning spree..btw it works awesome!)so anyway, I grabbed my dining room chair to stand on while I vacuumed and a poptart fell from the chair..I thought that was odd..but I kept on vacuuming..then some crackers fall..of course by then, I'm thinking..what in the world..how'd food get all the way up there??? So I called my DD in the room and asked her what it was..she shrugged and said..I don't know Mom. I repeated and she said...maybe I dropped some when I was eating..but I'm not sure. So I told her that if she dropped something to make sure she picked it up..she agreed and went back to her room to play. I lifted the chair to put it back in my dining room and more crap fell..by then I'm getting smart! I lifted up our seat cushion and there it sat..a pile of food!!!!! Crackers, poptarts, biscuits, napkins, toaster strudels, all of her breakfast food that she has before school...some of you may think this is funny, but when you are going through it..it is NOT funny in the least. I won't go into detail about the problems I have with her, other than this one incident, but I will say I am at my wits end with her and I am at a loss of what to do. We have been to the Dr. he seems to think there is NO problem (he probably doesn't have kids..even if he does..I know he doesn't have my DD)I don't mean to put a damper on the evening..and I'm sorry for those of you who hate off topic posts..to make this a little more dog related so that this doesn't get deleted...I did tell her that she couldn't leave food laying around because it could make the dogs sick..hmmph Anyone else go through anything like this? If so..how'd you deal with it? If not, how would you deal with it? I know if DH was here..he'd know exactly what to do..but it's not like I can pick up the phone and call him. Unless anyone knows of any phones that are out in the middle of the desert? Thank you to anyone who reads this...gives advice..or even just simply calms me down! I am a wreck right now...*SIGH*
my son still does stuff like that now and again. he'd rather hide the food and pretend he ate it then just come right out and say he doesn't want it. it is extremely annoying especially when the dogs are digging around in something and i have no idea what their after until i get up and see for myself its a pile of food. i can't make 2 different meals every night as i barely have time to make 1 meal most nights so if he doesn't like it he goes to bed hungry. my mother of course is mortified that i would send him to bed without eating because she would never have done that to me or my sister when we were young. my son certainly doesn't look like he is starving so i don't worry too much about him not eating something i make. if he wants he can go eat a piece of fruit instead. luckily he loves all types of fuit and most veggies . he just hates all types of meat except chicken and turkey. why don't you ask her what she likes to eat and give her that instead ? my son hates most cereals except stuff like cocoa krispies and other garbage so i make him eat a banana for breakfast or some yogurt and he is okay with that most mornings. then some morning s i let him eat his garbage breakfast. he eats the school lunches now because his teachers, for many , years would complain he was not eating what i sent to school with him. they even offered to heat a meal up for him if i would just send in something that he liked. kids are the most aggravating species on this planet. i am sure all parents have been there done that. don't worry she's normal :)
This sounds like a problem that has been fired by the other issues you mentioned. If it helps, I am majoring in child pshchology and I'll be glad to offer any help that I can. I would need to know the age of the child first. Believe it or not, this could be the result of the stress she is suffering from her father being gone. She feels the need to 'hoard' (or keep things where only she knows where they are) as an effort to have some control over the things in her life that are missing (her father). If you could post her age, I could go into more detail and possibilities with you. The main thing is to not criticize her just yet. Please wait and see what the underlying issues are and then deal with them as necessary. You wouldn't want to punish your child over a problem that stems from fear, stress, or instinct. My oldest son suffers from ADHD. I was stressed to my limit because he never remembers to do things, was failing in school, smarted off, among other things. It wasn't until I learned about the psychological part of how ADHD works that I understood what was going on. Just a note - the human brain has over 3 billion nerve sensors that all work in different ways. Some send information, some receive information, some do both, and then some just dont always function properly. It is the most complex organ in our body and parts of it are not developed until we get older. Toddlers, for example, have very little long term memory because the association areas of the brain are not developed at that age. The association areas are what help us with storing long term memory. I'll quit rambling now...lol.
My son went through similar problems but his problems were just the opposite. He would eat and eat and eat. In fact he would eat things that he was not supposed to be eating and could not have possibly of been hungry for. He actually hoarded food under his bed and in his closet. I know it sounds odd but he did it out of emotion. This was all happening while his dad was away in Korea for a year (my husband was enlisted Air Force) I had no idea how to deal with it I ended up getting my son into counseling. I still don't understand why he acted the way he did and on top of all that he was angry at me every day of his life. He would get so mad and scream and yell at me for no apparent reason. Thank God that is all in the past. Kids just deal with their emotions in different ways. Do you live on a military base? Or near one? They usually have very good family counseling. We attended once a week it was our saving grace.
I am almost embarressed to even be discussing this, but like I said..I am at my wits end. First..Layla..jawlaw and Scout..thank you for reading (and anyone else who does) Scout..how old is your son? I find great comfort in knowing that my DD is not alone. How did you handle it when you found out he was hiding stuff? You don't have to tell me if you think it is too personal, but I greatly appreciate it. I think, even just in knowing that it has helped me. Layla and jawlaw...I DO BELIEVE whole heartedly that she has an eating disorder..she is ONLY 11!!!! She just turned 11 in August. She is skinny..but not sickly skinny. She eats really well when it is something that SHE WANTS to eat (like fruit, pizza, Mc D's, Burger King...etc.) She likes some veggies..which I make it a point to give those to her as opposed to let's say broccoli, which she hates. She doesn't like meat..unless it is pepperoni or a burger. She picks at her food until it is cold. When she has friends stay the night...come time for dinner..this is just an example of how slow she eats...her friend will have the exact same portion and finish about 30 minutes before her..and this happens with all of her friends. My 7 year old Nephew even finishes his food before her. She hords her food in her cheek (like a hamster) and day dreams..it just sits there. She has on more than one occasion thrown up from getting herself so worked up that in her mind..she is done..so she'll get sick. She has even thrown up and tried to hide it (was not in the bathroom) I don't know that she purposly sticks her finger down her throat or anything like that, but it is still some form of an eating disorder. So when I talked to her tonight and asked her what on God's green earth was she thinking..she replied "I'm not perfect..I didn't want to get in trouble..I don't like eating in the morning" Wouldn't I be a horrible parent though if I sent her off to school without breakfast? Last year..the problem with eating was she was throwing her lunch away (her friend tattled on her) Supposedly she eats her lunch now, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day...she needs to feed her body so that her brain is working properly to learn. I can't believe she has been stuffing her food there...I am in the middle of talking to everyone I know..that is why it is taking me so long to respond..but thank you guys again....
I had started writing my reply almost an hour ago..that is how much I got side tracked...I am going to read through Ansy's post...Please bare with me..I am now talking to my Mom..the one person I didn't want to discuss the issue with!
Ansy1...I have a child I'm raising that has a major case of ADHD...I would really be interested in what info you have to make our life easier...I'm ready to shoot him at any given time...he will be 9 in December (the 28th). As far as hiding the food, I would maybe ask her if there is something else she wants to eat for breakfast...as calmly as possible. Maybe Ansy1 will have some good answers for you.... Edit: After reading your posts you posted while I was replying....I had a daughter that did the same thing...It would take her 1/2 hours to eat a piece of toast in the morning....I had to keep reminding her to chew...I finally took her to the Dr. for a hearing test...she was having problems in school with keeping track of home work...and he said she sounded like she had ADD. So that might be something to look into... Alot of people can't eat first thing in the morning. Maybe find a protien drink she might like to sip while getting ready for school? That was the only thing I could do. I couldn't eat first thing in the morning either...still can't. I hope you find a solution..
I'm not sure if this relates to your daughter because you mentioned items that weren't food ...left in the chair. For many years I had to almost beg my dd to eat breakfast before school. To this day... I still ask them and make sure they eat ..something. But my oldest just wouldn't eat that early. Every day she would tell me that if she ate that early it would make her sick. It made me upset inside thinking that she would be hungry later but.. she lived thru it. Is she eating at all the other times and holding a decent wait? If so ... tell her to please put her food in the garbage when she's done and not stick it in the chair. If this is just one sign that you are sharing... maybe she needs to talk to another doctor. Do you over stress meals? It isn't a battle of wills to eat a meal is it? I just ask because one of my friends is having issues with her son eating at every meal and I think it's just that he's being forced to eat ...so he won't. Kids may not be able to handle the world around them ... but they can control their food intake. I really do hope this all works out for you and I wish the best for your family. I'll pray for your husband and you... I know it's got to be hard doing it all alone. Goodluck!
I had the most problems with my daughter when she was that age. She's l6 now and is very well adjusted. I think those hormones at that age just intensify everything. She's ADD, one day she just walked out of school and began wandering because she was upset about getting teased, she used to do all kinds of stuff like that. She was also very manipulative. We did counseling then, but I really don't think it helped much. What did help was lots of understanding and at the same time a concrete set of rules and consequences that we agreed on. Oh she fought it tooth and nail, but it did work out eventually. Encourage her to keep a diary, sometimes that helps. And don't make the food thing a huge center of attention. That can make it worse. Just tell her to eat when she's hungry and try not to give it any attention. If you notice her weight really dropping, then I would take her to counseling.
Wow!! I am at aww with the amount of support I have gotten so far...thank you everyone. The phone is now hung up...Mom gave her 2 cents and I respect that, but you guys are helping in more ways than you can realize at the moment. Obviously I am emotional right now..DH was gone for 14 months..came home for 2 1/2 and is now gone again...He left when she was 9 and he will return (hopefully on schedule) a few months before her 12th birthday. I know it's been hard on her..it has to be! Apparently she has been hoarding her food for quite some time (breakfast) but she always gives us problems eating..every single meal. Even snacks..things that kids normally love...cupcakes, pie, chips..etc. She just doesn't like the act of eating and yes, she makes her self sick when she doesn't want something...intentionally or not...I definitely think it is more psychological for her. Some of the things I didn't get into..but now feel more comfortable stating..is that 2 weeks ago I took her in for her first evaluation for ADHD..her teachers returned the forms..I returned them to the Dr.'s and now just waiting for her appt on the 16th. The Dr. says that her weight is fine...she is 25% under..whatever that means. She is healthy in all other areas, doesn't show signs of fatigue or muscle loss...she's a strong kid (physically) I DO over stress meals..I know I shouldn't...but she WON'T eat..I make her eat...I basically force her to..I know she won't starve..she'll eat when she's hungry...but what about teaching her life lessons about not always getting your way right away or things being done exactly the way you want them done??? She picks out what she wants to eat in the morning..sometimes for dinner too (with hubby gone..I have become a "box, can" Mom) she doesn't mind it too much..she loves soup, ramen, mac and cheese, but it is a constant battle with her and food. She eats an a snails pace and I know I need to learn to be more patient with her..she's my life, but I guess I'm doing it all wrong..and you guys are helping a lot and making me open up my eyes. Thank you!
Ansy and jpg. Since this is off topic anyway, I just want to let you know there is light at the end of the tunnel. My ADD girl is l6, decided to go off meds and is pulling B's and C's in school. She's still pretty unorganized and very messy at home, but each year I see a little improvement. Hopefully, by the time she moves out, she'll figure that part out. What did help her, is we got her an Alpha-Smart for school and got permission for her to use it because ADD kids have no organization and lousy handwriting, she couldn't take notes, but she is a whiz on a computer. This helped tremendously. Alpha smart is like a lap top, but its only about 300 bucks and all it does is you can type your notes, file them, a few other functions and take them home and download on your computer. Completely helped with the millions of crumpled papers she used to have in the backpack.
JBG "I had to keep reminding her to chew" EXACTLY!!! It's a daily struggle...every single meal! I always say.."Jas, stop staring off into space..you're not a hamster...get that food out of your cheek" she'll look at me all spacey and go.."oh" and chew chew chew..but then do it again the very next bite...the protien shake is a GREAT idea!! It is after 12:30 now..she's awake in her room..I can hear her..I am going to talk to her..I have calmed down a lot..it's been 2 1/2 hours since I found her "secret stash" I didn't mind so much that there was food there..what I minded was that she was going behind my back..lying about it, and that is just making the situation all that much more worse. She doesn't need to hide it..all she had to say was "Mom, I can't finish this, or Mom..I'm going to be sick" I am definitely going to appologize to her for yelling..and I'm also sorry to say that I did spank her for it (bash away) I KNOWWWWWW people in this day in age don't believe in spankings...Sooooo...after a much needed talk with all of you..and my Mother, I am going to step up to the plate..appologize and have a much needed talk with her..I will try to allow her to make the choice to eat or not in the mornings...It is going to be a hard adjustment for me, but like someone said (sorry can't rem. the name right this second) that she will eat when she is hungry, and then it will be HER choice and not mine...you are right...it is something she can have control over in her life and maybe once I start letting up a little more on the food thing, then she will start to eat better. Going now...for that talk..I will let you know how it went. She has got to go to bed soon though!
I don't have a whole lot to offer for your problems as far as advice, but I can tell there are a lot of other people here that have the information to help. However, I can keep her and your family in my prayers. I pray daily (suppose to anyway) for a list of teens (pre-teens, too) at our church. Kids have so many problems they face! Prayer is SO important. I can do that much. Also, thank you, your husband and your family for your husband going away to fight the war so we can have our freedom!! I am so sorry that probably some of the problems is due to that. We owe you the support and prayers. I am so glad you came here for some help.
Try not to stress meals too much. We used to call my younger one "Jenny-two bites" because she literally took two bites every meal. Now she's l4 and still very slender, but very athletic and healthy. Pushing kids too hard just makes them fight back more. I know it's hard. Been there, believe me.
I just wanted to tell you to make sure you cut yourself some slack. What your doing would be difficult in the best of circumstances. Good luck with the ADHD thing.... although I heard that the medicine reduces appetite. Atleast .. that's what I think I heard. Goodness you don't need that too. I guess you can set times to eat and eventually she'll get hungry and eat. This seriously could be a control issue. I'm not sure .. I'm not living your life... but if it is - just stop talking about it. Just tell her that breakfast, lunch.dinner etc is at this time .. eat then or eat fruit(...for example). And... maybe only punish the hiding of food.. not the avoidance of it. I hope it gets easier for you.
I did the same thing as your daughter when i was 12. it drove my mom nuts. I had a stash of food hidden in my drawers. I never ate. She wold make me sit at the table while everyone ate and would force me to eat. All day long she would ask me what i had eaten and then she startingasking me if i had an eating disorder. My problems were because of stress. To this day i still dont eat that much and wont eat in front of other people. My suggestion to you is just try and be really understanding. I know it is fustrating but it is fustrating for your daughter to. She probally has alot of things going on in her head right now and she doesnt know how to deal with it. I think the food hoarding is her way of controling something. Having her father gone for almost 3 years would be tough on anyone. Try talking to her about it. Dont push her into talking because then it will push her farther into her shell. I hope i was able to help.