i am not clear on the food issue. the book i mentioned THE ADD ANSWER i believe talks a great deal about food and its effect on add/adhd. i am hoping i can get that book sometime next week. i just hope a few of the foods in it will be something anthony will eat.

I've heard that too DoGone. It was the red dye in the food that caused adhd baheaviors, something else in food too but i forgot what it was. I've heard it does help if you cut those things out but, unfortuneatly it was stuff my son likes, like pasta sauce, ketchup, etc. The few things he does like, he would starve if I cut all those out. Nikki

My heart goes out to all you guys with elementary school kids. Those were the hardest years. Scout, you described my Katie to a T, when she was that age. All I can say is that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. I always tried to de-emphasize her faults and emphasize her qualities which really were shining. She is a whiz at math, a really creative writer, etc. She still says I only say that cuz I am her mom, but it's true and I think they need, more than ever to hear it. They also need a lot of loving discipline. Although they have trouble doing certain things, you can bet they know that you know and sometimes use it to their advantage. Very good at the B.S. Man all this stuff makes potty training dogs not sound so hard! lol Hectorluver-keep up the good work. Knew you were special when you saved your dog's life. See, told ya those kids are something special!

Yes...that was it Nikki...that is what my MIL told me, I just couldn't remember..I wonder if that really works, and how true it is.

I haven't caught up on the posts and I will do it but right now I have a question. First let me tell you what happened. I went and picked Katie up from school. We came home and she said she had homework. She didn't want to do it blah, blah, blah. Well we did her homework and I sent her to clean her room while I fed the puppies and made dinner. I put Gillian in her bed to play. She's not feeling well and I thought she would rather play in her bed than sit in her high chair. I had the monitor on of course so that I could hear her. Well all seemed fine, she was just up there playing. I finished dinner and I went upstairs to get Katie to come eat and to get Gillian to come eat also. I told Katie and than I went in Gillian's room to get her. Kaitlyn had taken her art scissors and had gone in Gillian's room and obviously was very very quiet and cut up the sleeves on Gillian's shirt! What do I do about that? She has acted out before and done bad things but never to her sister. What if she had cut Gillian's wrists? I took the scissors away from Katie, obviously but how do I deal with this? I have grounded her for 3 days. Do you think thats enough? Does anyone else have any ideas? I'm just in shock. I think I just need to eat dinner with my kids and relax and think this through rationally. I'm just amazed.

DoGoneIT, today at lunch we were talking and funny, someone brought up about a relative not being able to eat certain foods with dye because of problems, too. it does happen. and i wouldn't go back on the grounding either! the times i've done i've wanted to, because they get so sorry, but stick with it! they need it.

Yes Pearl..I definitely need to stick to it...I have gone back on groundation one time...and that is all it took..I overheard her talking to one of her friends outside..they were sitting on the trampoline having "girl talk" yes..I was eaves dropping..so sue me! Anyway..so DD says to her friend.."yeah, I was supposed to be grounded for blah blah...but my Mom is such a sucker! I just appologized for it and she let me off groundation..and I'm not even sorry!" OOoooH boy....never again! Zoe..grounding her for 3 days is good..but what do you do when you ground her? Like when my DD is grounded..no TV, no friends (playing, phone) and extra chores (sweeping, vacuuming..etc) Obviously yours is too little for that, but since you are doing it in 3's..I would do the groundation for 3 days...3 chores (pick up dog toys, feed dog a treat, clean her room) or whatever...then I would say she has to do 3 nice things to or for her sister (the one she cut up the shirt on) like give her a hug, tell her she loves her, play with her for 3 minutes..etc. Sorry..I don't rem how old she is. **Edit...oh and if you haven't done it already, take her scissors away from her and make her earn them back.

~~~one of my friends (who doesn't have children or know anyone with ADHD) said that there is no way that DD has ADHD because she does well in other subjects at school...she said kids with ADHD will do poorly in all aspects of life..~~~ That is SO not true. In fact, quite the opposite is. Many children with ADHD excel at one or more areas. My son is into dirtbikes. By age 9 he could completely tear down and rebuild a dirtbike engine. I don't even know where the oil goes!!! You mentioned your daughter is good at math. Has she been exposed to music lessons? There is a common link between children who perform good in math and the ability to instinctly pick up and play (or easily learn) musical instruments. Math deals with numbers - so does music. Might be worth checking into. As far as meals - NO, do not let her 'pick'. Breakfast is a good compromise - but other meals should be left to your judjement. I agree with the poster who said they had PB&J as an alternate. Offer one alternate (the same alternate every night) if she does not like the meal you cook. Unless you are cooking broccoli, spinich, turnips, with a side of olives - then I'm sure she can find something from your meal that she can eat. You are correct in thinking that you should not allow her to make every decision.

I have found that staying away from artificial dyes and flavors makes a big difference in Nic. I try not to give him anything that isn't natural...of course that is impossible now days...but I try as much as possible. I have him on Concerta...he was on the Ritilin but I didn't like having to give him multiple doses a day. He is doing alot better this year. We have a horrible time with homework, but try to divide it up so he gets the breaks in between. My daughter sounds so much like many of your daughters....I would send her up to her room to clean and go up an hour later and she'd be laying on her bed listening to music...I'd ask her what she was doing and she'd look at me like I was crazy...I'm listening to music...she'd say...I'd say your suppose to be cleaning and she'd say Oh I forgot. It use to make me crazy. I got to where I would just close her bedroom door and not look in there. If she wanted to sleep in a mess that was fine. She helped keep the house clean...but her room was another story...I just learned not to let myself go crazy with the unimportant things. If it was something important, that was diffferent. I found a reward system on the internet that works wonders. It is a system where they get points for doing their chores, and get points taken away for not behaving, arugeing etc. At the end of the week, we total up the points and he gets coupons for say to go to dairy queen, McDonalds, shopping, play with friends etc. He has to earn all his priviledges. It works cuz there is no way out of it...If you don't earn your points, you don't get to do things. I don't have to ground him anymore and the house is much more peaceful. It was made for kids with ADHD. It is called: The Voucher System. It works for us. Keep us posted on what you find out with the Dr. If you'd like to email me you can at: jbg1760@yahoo.com. Just put TP in the subject line so I don't delete it. that is also my id for messenger. Julie

My little guy does not like many things especially meat but my older one loves it. So I do one night a meat dish with sides and one night pasta On those days when he complains I tell him to go pick out a cereal and that is his dinner or chicken soup. I am a sucker for grounding and they never take me seriously. The most I will do is take the controls off the play station and boy that sets off a frenzy. They go nuts begging, crying, pleading........ The only problem is that DH plays with them so he will beg, cry and plead too. lol. Try some of those replacement shakes. Buy just one and see if she will drink it. If she does that could be something you can offer a couple of times a week. As far as school goes, do what you have to do. Stand firm with schools no matter what they say. The teacher that my oldest has this year is a B**** !!! She knows Anthony is on an IEP and gave him a geography test last week which he failed big time on. 3 out of 43. I demanded a copy of the test and the loser just gave him a sheet with an outline of all the continets which he had to name all, plus all the oceans, the equator tropics of cancer/cappricorn etc.... plus the whole map of canada. I freaked out. I told her to give him a word bank next time. He redid the test the same day and got a 38 out of 43. Hellooooooo!!!!!!! But I went a step further and involved the V.P. and made it clear to her and the teacher that he is never allowed to fail a test. He gets modified tests and in his IEP it specifically states that he gets word banks, open book tests etc........... He knew his stuff poor kid, but being a very visual learner and basically giving him a blank sheet of paper well his mind goes blank. Now he needs to think of the words, how to spell them, where they go and how to put that all on paper. The word bank allows him to cross of each thing he has completed and WOW a B+ is on his test! loser of teachers. I go through this every year with every new teacher and I freak out because basically I am the only one who reads his IEP. If something were to happen to me my husband would not have the first clue and my son will be working at McDonalds trying to support his family for the rest of his life flipping burgers at 50. I am here to make sure that he is #1 and if that means I will be sitting in lecture halls taking notes for him when I am 50 so be it. That is why I get the title MOTHER

Wow Jbg I started using that system a few weeks ago! LOL I thought I made it up, how funny it is actually for ADHD kids. Mine is points for grades and chores, can use them to have a friend in, ride in the front seat (with no airbag) go to chuckee cheese, stuff like that they get 150pts to be good in a store because thats where they are the worst and it has to be every store in 1 day not just one, then if they are bad they get deducted points! Seems to work! "I found a reward system on the internet that works wonders. It is a system where they get points for doing their chores, and get points taken away for not behaving, arugeing etc. At the end of the week, we total up the points and he gets coupons for say to go to dairy queen, McDonalds, shopping, play with friends etc. He has to earn all his priviledges. It works cuz there is no way out of it...If you don't earn your points, you don't get to do things. I don't have to ground him anymore and the house is much more peaceful. It was made for kids with ADHD. It is called: The Voucher System. It works for us. "

The website I found the system was at: http://www.happy-kids.com/ I tried to make my own with poker chips..but found it worked better for me to have a actual program that I could stick to. It was trial and error for many years trying to find the "right" thing to do with Nic. I didn't need anything like that for my girls, who are now 25,23 and 20. This little boy is something else. But I finally found what works for us.

I still haven't caught up on the posts. Sorry. I will do it. Right now I just don't know what to do. I'm so depressed. How could my daughter be so mean to her sister? I don't actually think she was being mean to Gillian. I really think it was geared towards me. I think she knew she could really get to me by doing something to her sister. I know I said it was just the sleeves but after dinner Gillian was walking around and Kaitlyn had also cut up the whole back of her shirt. There was a big chunk missing. I have been crying now for 2 hours. Why does she hate me so much? This was the perfect day for this thread to be started. I'm calling her doctor tomorrow and getting a referral to a psychiatrist. I just really don't know what to do. She is just so mean and hateful to me. She is always angry with me. I expected to go through a little of this when she's a teenager just like I expect it with Gillian but at 5? How is this possible? It started when we moved away from her Mimi but it got so much worse after Gillian was born. I can't deal with it anymore and I have to find out what is making her so angry. I'm really ready to pack the child up and send her to live with her Mimi. I know in the end I would end up missing her and wanting her home but that doesn't make me feel any different now.

Actually Zoe, she sounds like a normal headstrong kid who knows how to push your buttons. You have to back away emotionally. She doesn't hate you. Set limits and stick to them no matter how she reacts. Tell her what you expect from her and what will happen if she crosses the line and stick to it. Her behavior will actually get worse before it gets better after you start the program. But stick with it and just remind her that you love her and its for her own good. Kids actually need and want limits. It makes them feel secure.

"""Kids actually need and want limits""" Absolutely they do! They can try to play their games...but in the end they really do appreciate their limits. My DD had this friend who was going to be sent to foster care..her parents didn't care for her at all..DD knew about it and when she came to talk to me about it..she told me that she was thankful that I had rules and made her go to bed at a certain time and that I punished her when she was bad..she actually said those things to me..that was a while ago..of course she forgot she ever mentioned that to me..but that was when her heart was an open wound for her friend..so she was speaking straight from heart..now she just tries to toughen it..thinking she is a bada$$.

"""You mentioned your daughter is good at math. Has she been exposed to music lessons? There is a common link between children who perform good in math and the ability to instinctly pick up and play (or easily learn) musical instruments. Math deals with numbers - so does music. Might be worth checking into""" Ansy you are right on target there..she excells in music...she loves guitar..drums..the recorder and she sings..this child can carry a tune like you wouldn't believe...she can hear a jingle or song one time and remember it...I wish she could put her focus on other things though. """that is why I get the title MOTHER""" Amen Aisha!!!! Thank you for the link JBG...I have been thinking about doing some sort of point system with her..maybe I'll give it a shot..can't hurt!

Aisha, Thats exactly how it is every year for me too, why do they even have school records if noone ever reads them? They also don't talk from teacher to teacher in the same school which frustrates me too. Terry (CAPD) also gets modified work. Usually it's something shortened, extra time, or excused from an assignment all together. Tests he is supposed to have more time but he is pretty good at taking tests so he really doesn't need that. People have asked me if I was going to have any more kids and i'd love to but noway i want to go through this again! My youngest I pray is an honor student. How many of you get a note every single day from the teacher about your adhd/possible adhd kid? :( Or calls for meetings? Gets a little old anyone elses adhd kid sleeping in class and teacher thinking the kid hasn't slept or ate breakfast? and ends up in the nurse and a call to come get them? Ofcourse i say send him back to class!!!!! Nikki

Nikki-I used to get calls, minimun 3-4 x week about my daughter and the joke is they would tell me things I already knew and had previous told THEM about HER, in our meetings. I would say "I know she does that" I told you guys. The school was completely incompetent at helping my daughter. They still are. They don't know what to do with those kinds of problems. If a kid is behind academically and has a learning disability, they seem to know what to do. If a kid is very smart, but can't perform, they are at a loss. My daughter is and has been figuring things out for herself and is doing quite well at it. Getting her the AlphaSmart has helped. Now she can take notes on a little laptop-like device instead of paper. But, believe me, she did it without a stitch of help from the school system. Her doctor, who has ADD, himself, as does his children, stated it to her. He said "you've got to find your *own* way, not the way others tell you to do things" Then you will be successful. It's true. The kids are really trying to better themselves. It's hard for them and its hard for a parent to be patient, but it will come.

omg lalayla, Exactly!!! His teacher called me in right before parent teacher conferences for a meeting, ofcourse i think its a waste, i go she tells me he is unorganized (his biggest problem to her), doesn't finish his work, and always seems tired. Um yeah and have you not talked to his teacher fro last year? Oh no we haven't. We'll I think it might be a good idea! Then my older son which has a LD, the teacher sends home this reward system thing and that she expects the children to follow directions and pay attention, well ofcourse this sons main problems are those 2 things so i wrote her a note telling her that he has problems in those areas and what to look out for, well again right before fall break she writes me a note saying terry didn't follow directions and to please have a talk with him about following directions the first time. I was soo *****. I went off, I wrote a note back saying please explain specifically what directions he did not follow the first time so i can respond appropriately. She never wrote back about it. Then at the PTC's I'm waiting for failing grades cause the teachers seemed like they were threatening it and they both got B's & C's, sorry those are their best grades ever and I was super happy! Anyways during the conference terrys teacher says "it seems like he is taking longer to process the information" Duh moron I told you he has Central Auditory PROCESSING Disorder. I swear! Even though it's annoying I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this. It sucks having 2 that are one grade apart going through similiar things though different diagnosis. I see a stresss free life in my future!! ahhh LOL