Thank you. I have tried to move on, and I think I have, but there is still part of me with him in Chicago (that is where he lives with his mom). Mental illness caught him by surprise, and that is why this all happened. Thank you again.
Wow that leaves such an awful shadow on people that remain when someone does something like that. Nobody wants to talk much about it, I know. It's OK you talk to us here. As you can see lots of us had similiar experiences. Makes me feel real lucky that I didn't...
Katz. I doubt that anyone would mind if the two of you go off topic to discuss what you feel about your situations. I could be wrong about that. Of this I am sure, you are not the only ones on this forum with problems, maybe not just like yours, but problems just the same.
Allie, I am sorry for what you are going through too.
Thanks everyone for your support. I just felt like rambling I guess. Sometimes you have to. I hope that no one minds that I went off topic, and I am glad I can talk about my problems here but the main reason I like this place is because I do not have to think about them here. It is nice to actually be able to help someone else with a problem, maybe minor in comparison but regardless, it still is nice to actually be helping someone here when I know that there is not much I can do here.
As far as the cops doing checks and CPS, the biggest problem is that my sisters are too afraid of getting in trouble to tell anyone. Plus they are threatened with guilt trips because my mom has a heart condition, and she is not supposed to be under alot of stress, so she tells them that if they said or did anything then it would probably kill her and, of course, it would be their fault. So they, feeling that need to protect mom, more simply because she is mom, won't tell anyone. I mostly know because this has gone on for years before I left the house. I left the house at 17.....correction, I was kicked out of the house at 17. Because of my moms current psycho boyfriend, he told her that he wouldn't come home(he was at a alcohol rehab center(it didn't work)if I was there and so she told me to leave. So I had to call my boyfriend of 2 months and ask him if I could move in with him(that was so embarrasing) but he agreed and we have been together for almost 5 years now.
It's very true that suicide leaves more emotional damage for those left behind than something you can comprehend, like say a car accident. Both are tragic of course, but suicide leaves too many questions unanswered and the worst part is the people left behind feel guilty, like they should have known. Unfortunately, I have lost many, many people in my life and 4 of them to suicide. My nephew shot himself in my sister's house and she found him. He was her step son, but still. It is something they don't ever ever talk about. When I was in college I took several classes on abnormal psychology and sociology and I had to do a speech on suicide prevention. One thing I can tell you is that people who do this are not thinking about those who are left behind. I don't think that for the most part they realize what this kind of thing leaves behind.
You talk all you want, keeping it in is the most unhealthy thing there is. It will come out somewhere else, usually in your physical health. Allie the same goes for you. It seems like you have a good grip, but it never hurts to talk, especially when things are difficult, and I know certain times are harder than others, birthdays, holidays, etc.
I'm sure no one here would object, and if they did, well I would have some things to say. We do all have our problems, some worse than others, but everyone can use a shoulder to lean on sometimes.
Thanks Gina, I am lucky in the aspect that I have a super understanding and wonderful fiancee'. He helps me through everything. But it is nice sometimes to talk to others because I know he has heard everything fifty times or more.
Boy I never thought I would be airing my dirty laundry,thank god in a way nobody knows me. When I was the ages of 10 through 13 ,my dad molested me for 3 years straight,I wont go into details.I told my mom who was my step mom at the time,she killed her self after that,their marraige started to fall apart. Till this day I hate myself for coming out with this to her,I had a hand in destroying their lives.I needed a school phycologist all through high school,and my dad and I no longer speak to one another.I thought for me it would have been better to leave well enough alone.I wish I would have.
***Edited By: rednosered on 11/16/2004 7:51:08 PM*** Reason: To make it make more sense
Katzpom- I am just now reading this..haven't finished everything. I am really sorry....My first thought was to get CPS involved, but it sounds like you have tried. I would keep bugging them. That is a horrible situation your sister is in! I'm so sorry!
You can't change the past. Learn from it. Squash the bad memories when they pop into you head. I have little dark things that I did in the past, like black marks on my soul. I try not to think about them, except just to acknowledge they are there. Find distraction if it gets bad. As the expression goes "get over it". I tell myself that all the time. And when someone does something bad...YOU did not make them do it. They are quite a bit more responsible for their actions. Do good things. Think good thoughts. Good comes back to you.
Victims of child abuse are victims in so many ways, namly blaming themselves. You are not to blame for the outcome of what happened, the person who did the molesting is. Molesters make everyone a victim. If you still blame yourself, you should continue to get counseling until you can really believe it was not your fault, neither was anything else that happened as a result of your telling someone. It's worse not to tell. I've heard many stories of a spouse refusing to believe that their partner would molest a child. It happens all the time. It's just too hard to accept. The spouse needs counceling, as well as the child when this happens. I hope you all can find peace.
This happened so long ago.Since my step moms death,I know my dad has remarried again we still don't speak,we live close to one another,I just hope he's happy in his remaining years. Things like this destroys famalies.
OMG, my uncle mentally abuses my cousin but what is worse is that he does it to my aunt too and she doesn't do anything about it, she doesn't even drive(though she does have a drivers licence) she doesn't think she can go through life without him, i feel so bad cause though i'm 3 years younger than her i'm her rolemodel cause when my dad starts to get in his mood swings or is in a fight with my mom and i do something and he says you are just like your mother i say hey, this is between you and mom so don't drag me into it.
So sorry to hear about your sister and mother. Gopefully, as you said you sister will be strong and able to stick it out if need be. The only other option I can think of is for your sister to try to get someone else to have custody of her, she may be the most powerful voice in the matter. I wish you all the best.
That is so awful!! Sometimes I feel like the more bad things I hear about people doing things to harm other people or animals, the more I just like animals. I am so sorry that this has happened to you guys. Katz, this may be a dumb question but, why can't your sister that has your other sister take this one too?? Or is there an aunt or uncle or grandparent or someone?? Or are you the only one in your family that knows about this, besides your other sister?? I'm 21 too and married, I don't have kids but I do know that if I did and anything happened to them, I don't care if he is my husband, I'd be getting a divorce pretty quick. It's just too bad that it's both of them and she makes your sis feel so bad about it. Hopefully she realizes that she can tell a principal or teacher or church person or someone. That's how that Dave Pelzer guy said he felt in the book "The Child Called It" I'll keep you in my thoughts. If you need to talk or anything- firstname.lastname@example.org
KAtz do you know if your sister has a "regular" doctor that they see, or do you know a friend who is a nurse that is close enough to the family to see what is happening. If so - let them know what is going on and they can "watch" for signs and they HAVE to call the police. (Law - we have to report any SUSPECTED abuse- if not we can lose our license) i don't have mine yet - 3 more weeks of school, but our teachers drill that into us. best of luck