After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel you dry! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your human's bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When your humans come home, put your ears back, with tail between your legs and chin down, and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. Note: This works best when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Help your humans learn patience. When you go outside to 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
-- Author Unknown
I LOVE MY DOGS I love my dogs, this is their home. It's my hope they'll never roam. My faithful friends, they are the best, this is their home, you are the guest. If to you they are a peeve, then by all means please feel free to leave! Author unkown
Poem For New Puppy Owners (author Unknown)
Don't smell crotches, don't eat plants. Don't steal food or underpants. Don't eat my socks, don't grab my hair... DON'T RIP THE STUFFING FROM THAT CHAIR ! Don't eat those peas, don't touch that bush, Don't chew my shoes, what IS this mush ?!? Eat your cookies, drink your drink, Outta the toilet, outta the sink ! AWAY FROM THE LITTER BOX, IT'S FOR THE CAT ! (and must you kiss me after that ? ) Raising a puppy is not for the lazy, Those rugrats are funny , but also quite crazy. Don't despair through the toil and strife, 'Cause after three years you'll get back your life ! So let's go for walkies, so you can do your "thing," And maybe I'll get back my new diamond ring
This one is really funny!:
Jesus Is Watching
This burglar is breaking into a house at night. Sneaking around he suddenly hears: "Jesus is watching you!" The burglar is shocked, ducks down, remains silent for a while, but nothing happens.
After a minute or so, he hears nothing, so he gets up again. Again he hears, but a little louder and more like a warning: "Jesus is still watching you!"
"Good heavens!" he thinks, "What's going on here?"
Silently he strafes backward and again -and really loud this time-: "Jesus is *really* watching you!" Okay, this guy is almost getting a heart attack and switches on his Maglite.
After a little looking around he detects this parrot. Burglar: "A parrot?" Parrot: "Yes, that's me!" Burglar: "You can talk pretty well!" Parrot: "Yes, I'm already 50 years of age." Burglar: "Phew I really thought something weird was going on here! What's your name?" Parrot: "Henry." Burglar: "Henry? That's a weird name for a parrot." Parrot: "Not as weird as 'Jesus' for a rottweiler!"
DOG PROPERTY LAWS 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. if it's in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine. 8. If I saw it first, it's mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If it's broken, it's yours!