i just lost my closest cousin a year ago to pancreatic cancer. she was closer to me than my own sisters. then about a month ago my favorite uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer . they gave him less than six months. and my mom called to tell me that my brother is not looking good. he has hepatitis c and they figured he has had it for years. he was doing the interfuron treatments and they didnt work. his liver is shot. the doctor told him to go home and get his affairs in order. its hard to deal with this. i feel helpless. i lost my previous husband to an industrial accident at work years ago. but how does one deal with losing your own flesh and blood ? i feel so lost.......
I'm very sorry, Dusty. I, too, have just experienced loss. I lost my maternal grandmother, my best friend, on November 28th 2005 to liver cancer. We found out she had it in April, when she started to experience bitterness in her mouth and fatigue. When she was diagnosed my grandmother was a stout 5'9" 230lbs. Never ever even had anything more than a common cold. Was up at 6am every morning with the sun, to water her garden. When she died, she weighed 89lbs. I'm 21 years old, and I remember my grandmother from my childhood years when both of my parents worked 9-5. She practically raised me, and she was my biggest hero, my mentor, my strength. With my grandma, she had a very strong faith in God.. that's what gets me through, I believe. Knowing that if she was indeed right in her beliefs.. her and grandpa are sitting around listening to Johnny Cash. It's a hard concept to grasp, but that's what I like to believe. I've never been the religious type. I'm the "gotta see it, to believe it" type of person. Yet, with the loss of her.. i'd love to believe I will sometime see her again. All I can say, Dusty, is that it does get easier with time. Love is every forgotten. I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes.
"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."
I am so very sorry Dusty that you are having to go through this again; reading your post has brought tears to my eyes. As time goes by you start to accept what has happened and you start dwelling on the happy and good times that you have shared with this person. Only time will heal some of the wounds.
Be strong in knowing that you have been there for the people that you have lost and that you have been given the chance of knowing them.
I don't doubt that you will be there for your brother, be his shoulder to cry on when he wants one, be there as his strength as hard as that may be.
I don't know what your beliefs are but I firmly believe that it doesn't all end with death; we have a spirit that lingers on after our departure from earth. I know that it is cruel to lose those that we love the most but I hope you find comfort in knowing that one day we will be reunited with our loved ones; have no doubt.
You are not alone Dusty, just remember that please.
thanks everyone. i have a very strong faith in god. my dad is a minister and i was practically raised in church. i know that there is a better place when we leave the earth. i guess its more of a selfish thing that i would rather have them here with me. its so hard to deal with losing loved ones.
I wish I could say it gets easier, but sometimes it just takes time. It was a year ago in Nov. that I found my mother on the floor and she had been dead for about 2hrs. I still am going through depression over this. I knew it was coming and she is out of pain now and I have everything in my life not to be depressed about but it just comes in waves. I can be driving down the road feeling okay and all of a sudden just burst out crying. All I can say is time heals and in some cases it takes along time.
Sandysbabies - I am so sorry about what has happened. It must have been a horrible shock to find your mum in that way. All we can do is try and be as loving as possible and to simply be there for those that we love; life is cruel unfortunately. I hope that you will find this depression lifting itself off once and for all and that you start having happy thoughts of the past :)
You do cope....after a time...but it is difficult. My late husband woke up at 3am and died.. I did all i could, CPR didn't work and the paramedics couldn't do anything either.He was 43 and we had 2 young sons (9 and 11 at the time). But life does go on, it has to, you make the choice. Fall apart, or get on and live. I had feelings of guilt for a good couple of years, but a PM discovered he had been living with a genetic heart defect and no one knew. I have since married again and i am really happy, trust me, things do get better. My thoughts are with you xx
oh dusty...and others who have shared their grieving...My condolences to all of you...Im so very sorry for your pain and I truely do wish there was a secret thing to say or do for a person with such pain that it makes them hurt from a wound you can not see...but...sadly there isnt one I know of...I can say from experence...dont huddle up to yourself....talk to others and it might be the only way to keep these favored loved ones alive...and truely...in time it will get easier...no one can tell you how to grieve or what amount of time is appropriate...you go by how you feel...God bless
Dusty...with the uncle and brother...please spend time with them before they get too bad...i have seen many times when people are terminal many back away from them probably for fear of what to say to a sick person...I saw this with 2 very good friends and I was the only one to keep in contact with them, mostly daily...and believe me most of the time they talk about normal stuff...they dont dwell...or talk doom and gloom...at least i didnt experence too much of it...but...i have seen what hurt they feel when no one calls any more...visits any more....they feel like others think they are contagious...I see it as most just dont want to feel like they are going to say the wrong thing....so they avoid people...its a sad thing all around...we all need human contact...and yes...they need to discuss there fears, angers and even the mundain day to day things...people with illness are no different...
I hope the Good Lord will give you all much needed strenght...take care...and dont forget you all need to reach out to friends...and remember to take care of yourselves
Dusty, sounds like you are having a really tough time, sorry to hear.
In 2000 my family lost a few family members. It was really hard for everyone and we all dealt in our own ways.
I'm not sure what you believe and what you don't, so don't take offense to anything I say. I found comfort in knowing I will see my family again. I imagined them in a place far more beautiful than my eyes have ever seen, in a place without pain, with warmth and no cold, with sunshine and no clouds. I imagined them together, smiling and laughing about happy times. As corny as it sounds, that always made me smile. Adventually I was able to think of them without crying.
I hope you can do the same at some point. Think of your family and smile.
HEY Dusty you still got me & teacup.God will find a way to see you through this, the last five years had been a nightmare for me.I lost my father, mother,sister ex husband his dad & brother. then had a cousin just 19 yrs old getting out his car with his little girlfriend & new baby ,take them into the house came back out two men from the neigborhood walk up and shot him 8 times all b/c they wanted his rims off his car that he work so hard for, at ups. his father totally lost it saw the man 1yr later got int a argument with him man pull out a gun my cousin took it from him and shot him with it. now he's doing 6yrs,in jail. his life destroy, he was a truck driver, see dusty you got to hold on someone else life is always a little worst. I ASK GOD TO HELP ME THROUGH MINES AND HE DID. HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU. Teacup & I love you and will be praying for you .
dusty, I am so sorry to hear the news! I feel for you as I awhile back had written before, in 97 I had two children 13and 11 . We had just moved to a new farm and was on cloud nine!! While doing hay, my husband on one tractor and me on another and the kids on the wagon My huband has a massive heart attack at 47! I WAS DEVESTATED!! hE was my everything! The kids and I were numb for along time but... with alot of support from a very large family and a lot of faith , It was time for me to stand up and take charge! One week after we buried my husband we had already had a family reunion planned in Ocean city Maryland, where my sister and her family have a summer home on the beach. Everyone wanted to cancel. With alot, alot!!! of persuading I talked my family into going ahead with the reunion and taking my children. They needed to laugh and have fun. And I needed to be by myself for awhile to think about my life, my kids life. What will we do now? Do we stay at a place where we just moved to three months before? If not how can I possibly leave the last place my husband died? Is it fair to have the kids pass the spot everyday? As you see I had alot to deal with! Not only did i NOW HAVE THE RESPONABILITY of the kids, horses, cattle,Hay Now I had to do it all alone! What if I make the wrong decision, how will it affect my children? Will my husband be proud of me?
After a week of soul searching, any many tears shed, it was time to get stronger than I have ever been in my life!!! I HAD TWO KIDS TO RAISE ALL ALONE!! My closest family were three hours away!
I AM PROUD TO SAY WE DID IT!!!
My kids and I talked and decided we weren't going anywhere! But we now had to bale the hay, cut, rake and bale and get into the barns. We did about a thousand bales by ourselves and then chose to do it on shares. It was not fair for my children to loose there childhood!
We went back to the kids games, school functions, 4-h etc.
Still kept the 15 head of horses, the thirty head of cattle and many more critters ( and quite a few added, You would be amazed at what a mom says yes to when yo want your kids to be content under these circumstances)
There was always alot for me to do , between the farm, the kids, school functions etc. But I was able to meet the small community and see how wonderful people really can be!
At a time in my life where I just wanted to die myself, the LOVE, FAITH,FAMILY , FRIENDS and a new found community has not only helped me, but I AM VERY PROUD TO SAY!! I have wonderful kids!!! THERE FATHER i KNOW IS LOOKING DOWN ON THEM WITH A SMILE!!!
They both have turned out to be very thoughtful, caring, but most of all Very good kids that always think of others!!!
Three years after my husband died I met my new husband and remarried. BUT.. Not only is he wonderful to me he loves my kids like his own!
But I think the most important thing , he never tries to take the place of their real dad, he just helps to make them into the children him and their dad and I are very proud of!
I didn't mean to ramble but I do feel your pain!!!!!! I know what it is like to love and loose the people closest to you! You may not think it now ( I sure didn't) But.. YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!!! I sure hope you can get through it with a lot less pain!! Majorlover
Wow Dusty, I am so sorry. The deaths that have hit me the hardest was my Grandma when I was 15. She went in to the doctor to have her hearing aid checked, and two weeks later she died in the hospital. Also, my best friend Jerimee. He was killed in a car accident six years ago. There's nothing special I did to cope, just time.
My little brother got Hepatitis C from a blood transfusion when he was 6. He is hemophiliac and had a bleed after jumping off a slide. They didn't find it till he was 20, and he too went on the Interfuron. That was a nightmare. That stuff messes with your mind. And according to the doctor, his side effects "weren't that bad." So, I can only imagine what bad side effects were like.
I do sympathize with you, deaths and illness are never easy. And I've never quite gotten over the deaths I've experienced. I like to have things that remind me of the person, like I have my grandmas cedar chest and a couple of things she gave me over the years, I have Jerimee's jacket, and anything that my bro gives me is sacred. I do hope things turn around for you.
Life can deal us a hand of cards that we'd rather fold , but the best way I find to deal with things is to do things in honor of the person you are greiveing. All the nice and wonderful thoughts & deeds that person had shared with you will live on if you continue the postive things that were taught from their presence in your life. It seems crazy but everything has a reason and how we handle the ups and downs will reflect what God ha taught us. Be brave and remember its okay to be sad and to greive but dont let that bring you down, seek professional help if you feel over burdened. I will light an inncence for you and keep you in my prayers.
I had a baby in 2000, who was murdered by the very person who was supposed to save her. The doctor who delivered her. He was chinese and my baby was a girl. He's gotten all his training in china. I never even got to see her alive, they whisked her away the moment she was born. I knew from experience they don't do that if the baby is dead. All I got was feeling her kick as she was being born. They hoped I think that she would suffocate before she could make it out.
The agreement was I would go to stay at the hospital when I was 6 months along because of an earlier complication. If you would like to know the full story let me know. I am willing to give it to you, I just don't want to bore you. They lied about everything though, and I warn everyone who listens about going to University of nebraska medical center in omaha, or clarkson hospital in omaha.
I still cannot let go of it.
***Edited By: Doxielover1 on 1/31/2006 2:41:12 PM*** Reason: add
Everyone is so nice to share their stories...it is very inspiring..I, like some of you, believe that there is more to living than what is visible here on earth...this gives me hope...tomorrow-Feb 1st will be a year since my brothers death-cancer....I didn't go visit him soon enough...I didn't know he was going to die so soon...I had some guilt, but gave it to the Lord...have faith...there are brighter days ahead...
Doxielover 1, I can't answer for anyone else but I would like to hear the story, and I am very sorry for what you have lost! I would put my email on here but... there are some on here that as we know aren't right LOl Again seriously I am sorry! Majorlover