While I agree kids do sometimes need to be kids and be able to play well on their own, I truly believe that this woman should not have had children. I feel sorry for her that she feels the way that she does. Yes, playing childish games can get a bit dull, but it's not about the games you are playing it is about the quality of time you spend with your children that makes it all worth it. She is teaching her children to be selfish snobs just like herself!!!
I am a mother who HAD to work from the time my kids were 6 weeks old. My kids are now 16 & 14 and I work from home so I am with them all the time. I can relate to a lot of what the author says, but she is very selfish. I too would rather read a book or go online than watch Nickelodeon. I have woke up many mornings with a sore back from sleeping in a twin bed with one of my kids because they wanted to have a slumber party with mom. As for going to sports events, those are pretty much my social outings - between cheerleading, football & baseball, the parents of our kids' friends have become our friends as well. Although I miss working with real adult people, I am glad that I know what my teenagers are doing, and they are not having sex or getting drunk like many of their peers...not yet anyway. Both are good students but I know that they will do stupid things sometime in the near future but hopefully nothing that will really mess up their lives. My parents weren't around a lot when I was a teenager and I found all kinds of things to do that I shouldn't have. I have a feeling that this woman will wake up one day old and lonely, but wearing stylish shoes of course.
I can relate. I have a 2 month old, 2 1/2 yr old 6 and 8 yr olds. Cartoons are VERY boring, yet I can remember being a kid and loving them. Outside time has gottin even harder due to the lovly southern heat we have going on. My house can only with stand so much. LOL.
But My mom came across this book that has all kinds of wierd and goofy things for the kids to do. Some is very educational, some is down right retarted as my hubby would say, yet some are so simple you want to slap yourself for not thinking it.
Might I add the dog comes in handy too. We have a game call who can beat the dog. I throw her bone and thry try to beat her. They never do, but they find it fun plus it kills their energy level. Its amazing how the stupidest things can entertain our kids. I'm sure the older they get the harder it is.
I agree that this woman should never have had kids. What did she think it was going to be all fun. I LOVE how she says she let the nanny do things with her kids, wow. I am now facing the prospect that I will be alone next year since Danielle is graduating HS this year. I dont know what I am going to do with my self. (thank goodnes for puppies). I loved every second with my kids. My DH had a stroke and I went had to go to work. My son was 17 and daughter was 7, now I look back and say I wish I could have been there for those times when she came home and had a great day or even a crappy one.
Whoa.... ever have that feeling that things in your brain are churning so fast it just might explode? That's where I am...
Ok... first of all... if parenting is boring to you... you're not doing it right.
TELLING your kids that you love them means nothing... SHOWING them you love them is everything! When you have a child... life is NOT about YOU anymore... it's about that child. That's not to say that you can't have a job, have a life and have your friends... but YOU no longer have a right to be selfish. Your child comes first.
There are moments in every mothers life where she is less than enthralled with parenting... mine was about 3am on the 4th sleepless night when my son was having night terrors... (my goodness what have I gotten myself into?). But I LOVE watching my son play baseball and football and soccer... I find the cub scout meeting boring and tedious... but my CHILD is not boring... the meetings are. If your children are boring.. get up off your hind end and raise more interesting children!!!
It is not ok that he children expect her to not go to their functions... are they going to come to her when they have real problems like peer pressure to drink, do drugs, have sex? No. Are they going to KNOW that their mother loves them more than anything in the world? No... because she couldn't even give them 2 hours of her undivided attention while watching a movie that they wanted to see...
I'm a work at home mom...well for now anyways, and some times I wish I had more "adult" time lol, but I still enjoy doing things with my girls. I'll play barbies, legos, and dress-up and I actually enjoy it. There are still moments where I'm bored......with Kenzie hitting the terrible two mark I find it easier to stay within the confinds of the house, which does get dull. When Morgan started playing t-ball I never missed a game, but I refused to take Makenzie along unless I had a helping hand....she's caught a case of the "wonders" and turning my back for a second to watch Morgan run the bases became impossible. Because hubby works just about 7 days a week, I'm on my own when it comes to the kids, so our outings are far and few between. While I agree with some of this woman's points I think she has a problem juggleing the tasks of being a parent, and a career woman, and that makes her bitter. I feel sorry that she is unable to enjoy the best parts of her children's lives.
I will say that when my son was younger it was difficult for me... I have never been a "player". As a kid - I was a reader. My son, however has this amazing imagination and wanted to play with action figures and things. I learned that it's not important WHAT you do with your kids... it's just important that you do SOMETHING WITH them. We used to build forts in the family room with blankets, towels, cushions, pillows and anything else that we could find. For him...he was building the fort to play "fort" and army - for me the building WAS the playing.
Find books that ARE exciting to read, find games that ARE exciting to play (Skipbo anyone?), teach your kids something!
Enjoy every moment of your babies lives.. even the moments that you don't enjoy. Write everything down, take millions of pictures - because they go SO quickly! When you're up for the 4th time in the middle of the night walking the floors with a fussy baby... remember that it won't be long before you won't be able to carry him. It will come back to you 10 fold. Last night is a perfect example. When my son was a baby - I used to lay next to him and sing "you are my sunshine" and just stroke his face til he went to sleep. I walked into the bedroom last night and he was laying on the bed with our puppy singing "You are my sunshine" to him and stroking the pups face... I am raising a gentle soul.
The woman is right... the accomplishment is NOT in delivering your children to all their activities... the accomplishment is raising wonderful, loving, intelligent and emotionally healthy kids. However, there ARE days - when keeping up with everyones calendars IS an accomplishment.
I am a mom of 4. Two grown adults and two younger, ages 12 and 8.
Two different marriages.
I think this woman is a selfish twit and shouldnt have had kids if she finds them so tedious and boring.
My last ex ran me into financial ruin and fought me for custody, of which, I ran out of money to fight. Not only was he verbally abusive, but he was also well respected in the community as he is a cop. No one knows what we all lived with at home tho, cept me and the childen, young and old. That my friends is a whole other story.
But anyways, my ex did it to hurt me. He is so much like that woman that wrote the article. I lived and breathed for all my kids, rescheduled my work times, and was at every function the kids were involved in. My ex couldnt tell you the name of the kids doctor and even now, his live in mistress is the one who does everything that involves the children. He is never home, forever working and taking OT.
I have probably taken over 500 pictures and short videos since our divorce, of things we have done. Ex doesnt take any. I am recording their childhood. I am so glad for that.
People who have kids, sometimes to not deserve them. This irony presents itself in my job as well.
People who leave their children home alone, locked in a car, who lose their children, people who yell at their children a way that I wouldnt yell at another adult....Kids who die......I see all that at a typical day at 911.
People dont realize the gift they have. It saddens me.
Happiness to me (I am a cancer) is a full refridgerator and all my family under the same roof.
***Edited By: TraumaMamma on 8/8/2006 1:27:33 PM*** Reason: add
Traumamama - I'm a Cancer too! And I define happiness the same way... I love having all my boys (my husband, my son and my 2 dogs) under the same roof and listening to the music of their snores at night... it gives me such an INCREDIBLE sense of peace.
Once you become a parent your world changes. I can't explain the joy I feel when my toddler screams with happiness cuz he peed in the potty. Or my 6 yrs old when she learned to tie her shoes. The little things they do everyday and seeing the joy on their face. Or to see my son's face after 9 months of fattness and 3 hrs of labor. There is no greater happiness for me than to see my kids to proud of themself for doing the little things in life. I live for my kids and love every moment of it. Even when they pee the bed at night or have a nightmare and crawl in bed with us. Many of mornings we have had everyone, dog and all in our bed and it was just a blessing to me.
They ask if Helen is selfish....yep. What are they talking about when they say millions of mothers are feeling bored with their children? What crater of the moon did they pull that research out of? It seems the article was written about the psychology of mothering by someone who can't even spell psychology! They mention parents who are absolutely selfish and irresponsible about their children and parents who cater to their every whim. Both extremes are ridiculous. Wise parents put the needs of the kids above their own, the desires of the kids behind their own, and don't expect to love every skinned knee and homework assignment. We can't honestly expect it to always be fun, get real! Marriage isn't even always fun (what a concept, lol). The only thing we have a right to expect is the unexpected and a regular ration of head-scratching uncertainty about what we should do in some situations that arise. I'd sure hate to be Helen around the time her kids pick her nursing home. I'm sure they will not be visiting (how inconvenient) so the conditions of the place really are not important. She'd be awfully selfish to expect her "well-adjusted, creative" adult kids to put her needs above their own busy adult agendas.
I agree with everything on here. My girls are my world and I am going to go insane in September when my youngest starts preschool and I am here all alone. I have devoted the past 6 years strictly to my kids, and I did that fully knowing what I was doing. My kids will benefit from it. I feel sorry for her kids, for kids to tell her NOT to play because she will just get bored is nothing short of sad.
Nothing says you cannot teach kids responsibility and respect but still give them love and attention AND still have a smidgen of an adult life(I am still waiting for that one)
As it is, my daughter(6) just got in trouble today and now has two weeks of kitty litter box duty to clean up. When do they get past the smart mouth stage again? I forget....7?.....10?....OH YEAH, I remember 30!!!
Boring....no way....exhausting is a better definition, but if I didn't want them I wouldn't have them and she obviously should not have had kids.
She reminds me of one of my pug bitches I had a while back. Terrible mother. Could care less about her babies once she had them. Squished them to death when she had the chance. One word x3: Spay! Spay! Spay!
Recieved this email today... thought that it was quite appropriate!!! Enjoy
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a...?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman. "I'm a Mom ."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, "housewife covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day, I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out.
*"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."*
The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out)."
"I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).. But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than " just another Mom."
Motherhood! . What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door..
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants.