Well as you guys know my MIL and I are members of the AWN, and have quite a few rescues. About 4 weeks ago my MIL picked up a puppy who was severely starved and who's owner saw nothing wrong with him. Little boy who wasn't even named in hopes that one day he would get adopted had come a very long way in recovery, he was a prime candidate to go up for adoption next week.

Yesterday I took little boy's young life. Like I said please no "should haves" we have learned a very important lesson here. Normally all the dogs at my MIL's are either penned or inside the house, but because of an earlier visitor they had gotten out of the house. I've been pretty used to pulling into the driveway and having my car surrounded by the dogs, I ALWAYS slow down to a creep and most times I stop the car completely and start grabbing dogs and throwing them into the back seat. Their driveway is sort of a loop, there are two ways you can pull in, you can follow the longer rout and park in front of the garage which goes under the house, or you can take a right an park right in front of the house. Normally because there are less blind spots I go the long way, but D******, something made me make that turn. I thought I knew where everyone was, I could see them all next to my door, but all of a sudden I heard a yelp! I didn't even feel him go under the tire I was going so slow. I slammed on the breaks and jumped out, only to discover it was too late. The short time we've had little boy flashed in my mind, how I would wrap him in a towel and rub his belly. He was such a sweet little guy, and I had to be the one who killed him. I haven't slept since yesterday, every time I close my eyes I see him laying there. I told my MIL I wouldn't blame her for hateing me, but she knows as well as I do it wasn't anyone's fault. Although we knew the dangers of allowing them to run the property and driveway we just never thought one of US would hit any of them. From now on the iron gate at the front of the driveway will be kept closed and locked, anyone wishing to come over will need to call ahead and park outside the gate, untill a better fence around the property can be put up. I think it will be a long time before I drive over there myself, when I went to leave last night I only made it about 3 feet before I had to pull over to get sick. I have NEVER in my life hit anything with my car, I even swerve to miss frogs. For me to kill a dog that we've worked so hard to recouperate is just tearing me up inside. Thanks for listening, I really needed to get it out, and maybe now I can accept it.

It was an accident!!!!!! I can't even try to contemplate how you're feeling right now but it was an accident - you can't beat yourself up over something that you didn't intentionally do.....

*hugs*

I know I just wish I had known he was there, he is the only dog I didn't see.

It's weird how the day unfolded, normally I wouldn't have even been there at that time, I would have been there an hour and a half earlier, but a woman came into the store 10 minutes before closeing and shopped for an hour, then I had to stop at the store. During that time a neighbor had been to my MIL's and for that reason the dogs had gotten out, had I of closed the store at 2 I would have made it to her house long before the neighbor and little boy would still be alive. The worst part is that my 4yr old daughter was in the car, I think I scared her more by yelling at her to cover her eyes, as I searched the car for something to cover him with. She keeps telling me that it's alright, "Mommy we'll see him again one day" she's much stronger and smarter than I am :)

Beckabean,
What a horrible accident......I am so sorry this happened to you. My heart is breaking for you. Over the last several months I have read thread after thread about the wonderful and heoric things you have done to help homeless and helpless animals. You have literally saved so many lives. You are an inspiration to me! I realize there is nothing I can say to take away your pain. Think of it this way, from tragedy comes change. **Now your MIL will but up a better fence so this doesn't happen again....

RIP Little Boy

**As I reread this I didn't like the way this sounded. I just meant that sometimes good things come from bad. The whole situation was NO ONE'S fault and I'm just so sorry.....

***Edited By: pwcorgilover on 11/29/2006 8:47:42 AM***
Reason: add

:(

*huge squishy hugs*

I'm so sorry for your loss. Horrible accident... RIP Little Boy. Becka - don't beat yourself up about this... sometimes accidents happen...

I read this post and my heart is aching.I am so sorry and what a horrible accident.My heart goes out to you.You are in my thoughts and big hugs to you.

im sorry for your loss and how it happened,it was a accident,my sister inlaw was backing out of her driveway and ran over her puppy,came out of nowhere.one month earlier her cousin was late for work jumped in his truck and wasnt looking and backed over his two children in the driveway one the three year old girl didnt make it.he wasnt looking,you on the other hand was looking around.please dont beat yourself up.

I'm so sorry. I know its hard for you and your family, but like your little girl said, you will see him again one day.

Everything happens for a reason, this was meant to be.

*hugs*

Thank you guys, I knew if there was any place I could find kind words and thoughts; it would be here. I know it will take some time to accept the fact that little boy is gone. I wish more than anything for this to be a horrible nightmare! I keep replaying the whole incedent in my mind, wishing I had reacted sooner, or differently. I have talked to my MIL since then and she has asked me not to blame myself, she knew it was a horrible mistake to assume that the dogs were safe from a family member's vehicle. I just wish it hadn't been mine that did the damage. I'm glad to know that this will never happen again, and yes Corgi, you are right, while a life has been lost, we have learned to prevent it from happening again.

A friend of mine gave me some very wise words today. "You never know how fragile life is, untill you've taken one, as a person who rescues animals I have been brushed by the hand of someone more powerful than I, and now each life I save can mean even more to me"

Looking at it that way helps, while I had a bond with every dog that has passed through my home and my MIL's, I was still unable to really grasp it in my mind what I was doing. I was saving an animal from death, from a life full of sorrow, and emptiness. In the short time little boy was here, we gave him the one thing he needed, and that was love. I hope that when it's my time to go I will be greeted on the other side by little boy and all the other dogs that have slipped through our fingers. I pray that they know we tried. To the general population, Little boy may have been "just a dog" but to me he was a life, whether he had four legs or two. I am just as distraught over his passing as I would be of a friend or a family member.

This is Little boy the day he came to us.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y248/tanNsexyBecka1104/Untitled-2.jpg

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y248/tanNsexyBecka1104/Untitled-1.jpg
at least he went to the rainbow bridge fat and furry.

***Edited By: beckabean11404 on 11/29/2006 1:32:13 PM***
Reason: add

I'm sorry about your loss; I agree, it was an accident. We're only human, and there's no way you ever meant for this to happen.

You did everything right, and he had a better life for it.

Oh, Becka--I am so sorry for your loss. Please do not blame yourself--it was an accident.

This experience has left you with a gift of deep appreciation and respect for the work that you do. What a wonderful gift in return for giving such love and affection to your little boy. He came to you so you could learn that, and is waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, fat and happy, ready to smother you with kisses when you see him again. Every life you save from here on out will mean even more than it has already.

Again, I'm so sorry. Please be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry for you and the pain you must be feeling. You can't blame yourself. At least the pup has had a time of plenty of food and play and love in his short little life. You did make a difference even if just for a short time.

Hi Becka-

Little Boy looks so cute. It's great knowing you made his life so wonderful, even for a little while. If not for you and your MIL Little Boy would never have experienced LOVE from humans. God bless,.................

No one can prevent some accidents.. and Im sure you are feeling enough guilt, regardless of what anyone here says.

Im sorry this had to happen, and while it was a lesson learned a hard way - it was still an accident that Im sure could have happened to anyone.

And I agree.. you are human - no more, no less... we make mistakes, but our hearts allow us to learn from them, and feel for the experiences we have, and for those we meet.

I cannot stop looking at the pics of Little Boy. So adorable. I wish I had him. It makes me want to rush home from work and just hug my dog and say a little prayer for Little Boy. From here on I will take extra, extra precaution whenever I backup with my car. I will think about little boy whenever I am operating my car near dogs. Thank you for posting the picture of Little Boy. It is now my desktop wallpaper on my work computer. R.I.P Little Boy.

Becka, I am so sorry that this happened to such a good person. I am not sure that there are any words that will comfort you right now. Maybe focus on all of the lives that you have saved, and get peace from that. You saved this puppy from a cruel and suffering death, that alone should give you comfort.

What a tragic accident, and it was just that an accident. Try not to blame yourself and just know that, that little baby had more love and care during his time with you than he had ever had. So sorry you had to have had that happen to you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.