I have one son , I had him when I was 17 , he'll be 24 in July. I wouldn't change it for the world. I regret not having 2 . At the time when I had him I was selfish and said only one. Now I look at little babies and think I would love to have another . My son is older and there would be such a age difference and starting over 24 years later.That's what's stopping me.
I have my 2 dogs who are my life and part of my family. Dogs are dogs , humans are humans. I can't wait for Rob and his girl to get married and have children of his own . I'll give my grand kids everything my parents did not give my son.
***Edited By: rednosered on 1/17/2007 7:32:43 AM*** Reason: l
I've always liked kids... I planned on having two when I got married. Like most people I prefer well behaved children, and always swore my child would never be a kid I'd be embarrassed to take into public. I remember saying I wish I could skip completely over the first two years, just so I could get to the 'talking age' when kids really start to get fun and more interactive ;P
While there have been a few low points (kids get sick a lot after starting preschool!) I can say honestly I can't imagine life without Caitlin. She is a joy in every way, well behaved, does great in school, is best friends with Riddick, etc. I am sure there are tough times ahead *coughteenyearscough* but I will enjoy this while I can.
For those of you who constantly complain about how other kids behave.... I find it laughable that I am making this comparison but it's true.... Be it puppy or child, it's all in how you raise them. Nothing says that just because every child around you is a brat, that yours will be, especially if you provide a home with a consistency of love, laughter, rules and discipline. Most bratty kids I know are bratty because their parents think it's 'cute' when Jr hits people or throws things. It seems like so many blame the child, when they should be blaming hte parent. Just as we blame the dog owner when their dog is unsocialized, bratty and obnoxious. It's all a matter of training.
I do recognize that there are people who just don't see themselves as parenting types... my husbands sister is one of them. She dotes on Caitlin but will probably never have children on her own, and that's fine. But saying you don't want to have children because children are brats is like saying you don't want a puppy because the puppies you've met have been brats.
Oh and we did decide to get a dog in lieu of getting a second child. Mostly becuase dogs are cheaper, but also because I"m in my 30s (I had caitlin when I was 30) and Im really not comfortable with having children past 35 personally.
***Edited By: Minniyar on 1/17/2007 7:50:19 AM*** Reason: add
We went through 6 years of infertility treatments! And we only ave 4 legged kids, 7 of them! And I have no regrets. I run a pregnancy care center, so I get enough baby/kid exposure. And no college funds required!
I have 4 daughters from my first marriage.My second husband has a son from a short term relationship.All of my girls are teenagers(lord help me now)LOL. I am 37 I had mine at an early age,Infact my oldest is the age i had her now...My husband and I also have three labs.Kids are great but it is a choice.My girlfriend doesnt want kids,so I believe that there are so many "unwanted" chirldren,and the same goes for furbabies.I also know a few people who have kids that really dont or didnt want them,and they along with furbabies are the ones who suffer for the choices humans make.My daughter (the 18 yr old)friend who is 17 now has a child.She would rather be out partying,and will leave that child with whom ever just to do so.It is sad. My husband and I recently reported what we felt was a huge BYB going on.We truly felt that the 25 dogs were in horrible conditions.I wish but my wishes fall on def ears I know,that people would either not have dogs,or realize that having that many dogs leads me to believe that they are lacking something with in,and look for it in the wrong places.It tears me up both with fur babies or humans having 5-6 kids to keep in the "system".Here my husband busts his butt,and yet they are the ones with the new vehicles,new this and that.Well I just wanted to state my t houghts about this subject,I could probably talk a lot more but I will leave it at this. Thank you all your all awesome
I have 3 children and 3 furbabies and I think it was LPN who said teenagers is the best form of birth control YOU BET!!!!! I love all of my kids but the next two legged child I want to see is a grandchild and for the love of god please let it be about 15 to 20 years from now....
I must say I am sorry to hear of those who wanted kids but can't have them. I can't imagine.. Well thank goodness for the love of our dogs. My hubby and I found ourselves pregnant 6 weeks into our marriage. Yeehah.. My son was born one month before our first anniversary. But when I got pregnant I never knew how much I needed my son in my life. But someone did. One week after I brought my son home, my mother while in surgery was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarain cancer. If not for him she would have given up the fight. If not for him I would have gone nuts. He was the best distraction anyone could ask for. Now he is almost three and my mother is close to her 3 year clean mark. In August we were lucky enough to have another addition to our family our fur baby Buster!!!! I now have two three year olds!!!! And one with a face only I Mother can love
HI, I had wrote yesterday and said it is up to you. I think that dogs and cats can fill the void if you have one. I do have the 2 kids but My Muffy is my baby and always will be. She doesn't talk back. Usually minds and never makes poo on my floor. WHo could ask for a better baby. And trust me, she knows she is the baby.....
So to say again, all a personal choice. You and your husband are the only ones to make it and to POOP with everyone who judges you either way...
I always wanted children. When I was young there were very few things that I was certain of... I never had a burning desire to "be" anything - but I DID know I wanted to be a wife and a mom. And I was SURE that I would be good at both! (ahh... the joys of being young and naive) I loved kid - and I wanted a ton of them....
I am the mom of a wonderful little boy. He's 9 - and Hunter is my pride and joy. I had him at a difficult time in my life, I was single and his "donor" and I had just broken up after a very long, abusive relationship. I grew up more in the 9 months of pregnancy than I had in the 22 years before. The love I have for my son is more than I could ever have imagined... I NEVER knew that I could love someone like I love my son. I never knew that my heart could break when he hurts, I never knew that I could get SO ANGRY at another human being and still love them so much through it all. Am I the mom that I always thought I'd be? lol - no. Most people would say that I'm a good mom... but wow... no one ever tells you about the guilt of motherhood. The guilt of getting angry, the guilt of wanting just a FEW minutes alone, the guilt of really not liking your child sometimes.... even though you always love him.
In September of 2005, Hunter and I married John. John took vows to both of us and Hunter and I took vows to John. We became a family - and my son received the father he always deserved. John never wanted to be a dad... and has no desire to have more kids. He loves Hunter with all his heart and takes care of him as if he was his own - but he does not want any of his own. Sometimes I wish he'd change his mind - other times I think, "9 years down - 9 more to go"... whatever happens, it's ok.
Turns out - I'm not the wife and mother that I thought I would be. My house is rarely orderly and neat, my son is not always happy and I am not always patient. Furthermore - I've learned that as a rule, I don't like other people's kids. I don't like mouthy, snotty kids - including my own when he decides to test the waters. Being a mom is a lot harder than I thought it would be... but it is by far the most rewarding.
I'm the mom of 2 dogs too... thank goodness because they are my stress relief. I have yet to have to help my dogs with homework, bake cookies for them at midnight because they forgot to tell me about the bake sale, wash a particular pair of jeans because "they're the only ones that fit right", tell them they can't play with other dogs in the neighborhood because their a bad influence.... I don't have to worry about my dogs doing drugs, drinking underage or having sex too soon. Our phone doesn't ring at 7AM on a Saturday morning from a young girl asking to speak with the dogs... but they do with my son...
Both have their challenges... and both are COMPLETELY worth it all! For those who have decided not to have children - I too, admire you for that decision.
I forgot to say, when it comes to kids vs dogs... I'd much rather spend my time with a dog. Kids these days are so extremely spoiled it's disgusting. People ruin their own kids and it's sad.
We went out to eat recently. It was football playoffs so things were hectic for this poor waitress. These parents let their kids run around screaming their heads off around the restaurant. Then the two demons went in the waitress' station, took the vacuum cleaner into the dining area and took it apart, the dust going everywhere. The waitress was in tears. What did the parents do? Absolutely nothing. I wanted to beat them and their kids.
thelife..... Yep, I get really upset with people who let their children behave like demons in public. Don't get me wrong, mine are extremely boistrous at home but very good in public compared to 98% of the population. They are still kids and like to have an opinion but overall very well behaved. I really don't know how you didn't say something to those people in the restaurant. I would have. Ofcourse my husband likes to tell me, my mouth opens sometimes before I think. LOL
LOR - It's that sort of thing that leads me to say "I don't like other people's kids"... if someone chooses to have children then they need to CHOOSE to be a parent. Letting a child run rampant through a restaurant is unacceptable.
On the other hand... I will say that growing up - Hunter threw some crazy tantrums... 2 that I remember within a a span of a week... once in the grocery store - I ended up walking with my very full basket to the service desk and handing a boy $20 to restock the stuff in my basket with an "I'm sorry - my son needs a time out".
Then there was the story my mother loves to tell of when I was almost kicked out of Walmart. Hunter laid down in the middle of the store and screamed and kicked... in all desparation - I did too. He sat up and looked at me like I was crazy then offered me his pacifier (he was almost 4), and told me "shh, mommmy, shhhh". Security was ready to call the cops on me until they realized what I was doing. Parents applauded and so did security - and that, was the last public tantrum Hunter ever threw... even at 4 he had the good sense to be embarassed by his mom!
Sonjavon, great for you! There are rarely parents that take their kids out of a grocery store. I can't stand walking through a store for an hour hearing a kid scream the entire time. When I was 14 working at a local farm grocery store, this kid came in and screamed like a wild hyena nonstop. The managers asked the parents to keep him quiet or leave. Everyone sighed for relief when they left LOL.
I considered going into teaching, then I realized I don't want to deal with other peoples kids more than I have to.
Well as far as your kids taking care of you when you are old.... I am the one that said it. I suppose it depends on your family values and what type of children you raise.
My great grandmother and grandmother lived with us until they died when I was a child. I know for sure that I will take care of my mother when the time comes. You don't abandon your old people. That is just how it is in our family. Some families would never leave a cat or a dog at a shelter, but sticking old granny some where to spend the rest of her days is just fine? Aren't nursing homes just like old people shelters?
My daughter may or may not 'see to my needs', thank GOD I have a son that is a HUGE momma's boy and the joke is that is isn't EVER leaving. He is a 'lifer'. So... he will already be there to keep me company. That's just fine I couldn't ask for a better boy. He loves animals and wants to be a vet when he grows up, or an ambulance driver.
Alicat, nursing homes are not always a bad thing..
My cousin and her husband are in their late 30's. Her husband was recently diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrigs Disease). This disease will eat away at every muscle and organ in his body till he dies. At this point he barely walks and has no use of his hands. When his mother was hospitalized and couldnt go home without someone to take care of her... her other 2 kids said no. So my cousin took her in. She found herself working full time, taking care of her husband and now a mother in law. She has no kids to help her. They had to put her in a nursing home where she could get proper care and attention and so my cousin wouldn't go insane and have to quit her job. Is that cruel? No, I don't think so. They visit her as often as they can.
Yeah, some people may put their parents/grandparents there because they are just lazy, but it's not always out of cruelty. Having kids doesn't equal getting taken care of when you are older. Things happen.
***Edited By: thelifeofriley on 1/17/2007 11:40:48 AM*** Reason: add
Aren't nursing homes just like old people shelters? ...............................................................................
No... My grandfather had a massive stroke several years ago... he was 82. He was unable to speak, unable to walk, unable to eat and unable to switch positions on his own. We looked at every option to try to keep him at home - including me quitting my day job so that I could stay with him and picking up a night job. The conclusion was that - despite OUR wish to keep him home - he would have a better quality of life in a nursing home where there are nurses who are trained to take care of people with health conditions. Shortly after that - my Grandmother got sick with emphysema and we were able to get her in the same room with Grandpa. For 2 years they lived together in that room - her talking to him, just as she always did - him not responding, same as always... both receiving the help that they needed to have a decent quality of life. Every night my dad went and spent 2 hours with his mom and dad. And once a week, Hunter and I went to visit... bringing flowers or some other treat to make them happy. They were not abandoned, they were not forgotten... they simply lived somewhere where they could get the help that they needed. Both have since died - but I'm happy to report that they lived and died with dignity.
Putting a family member into a nursing home is an agonizing decision to have to make.... I will someday have to face that choice with my parents - they will live on their own as long as possible, and they they will live with me - but if the time comes that I cannot take care of them on my own - I will find a place where they can receive the care that they need.
"Aren't nursing homes just like old people shelters?"
First of all ali, do you even think before you open that crazy trap of yours? Do you even care if it offends other people, or think that maybe that might be a nerve? You have no idea what lives other people may have led.
I live in Maryland now, but I am from Massachusetts. When my grandmothers mind started to go, unfortunately she put the wrong child of nine in charge of her "needs". With such a large family scattered around, no one was allowed to visit her. Those who could, barely did.
She died when she was 95, and I felt very guilty and awful about that for a long time because there was nothing I could do to help her, and I was all the way down here.
That is the type of thing you should shut your mouth about before you speak that way to the wrong person and literally get knocked down a peg, seriously.
"My daughter may or may not 'see to my needs', thank GOD I have a son that is a HUGE momma's boy and the joke is that is isn't EVER leaving. He is a 'lifer'. So... he will already be there to keep me company. That's just fine I couldn't ask for a better boy." Honestly, the way you expressed that, is a lot frightening and it sounds a little Norman Batesish.
You should be encouraging your children to branch out, and break away from under your wing. They will always be your kids and love you, but encouraging that behavior and hogging them all to yourself is only making a problem for someone else down the line. Namely a future wife. Which I am sure you are probably going to try to chase off when you feel like she is stealing your boy away from you.
All I have to say is I am so excited for the day I become a parent, to put all my life's experiences and observations to use and help mold an outstanding, confident, independent, loving person. I'd love to bring back the days of "Yes ma'am." "No sir." and "Please" and "Thank you" (which weren't an option when I was growing up.)
There are enough butt heads wandering around the planet without me ignoring manners/respect...using my "power" negatively and passing my issues, or the issues of the world onto a small child and infecting an impressionable mind.
If children are never meant in my over all plan, I am fine with that too. I will always have the 4 legged variety ;)
I could never condemn someone for choosing not to have children. It is an intimidating thing to have a whole human being to help teach and raise. (along with the village) Some people are just too motivated in their own life's goals and dreams to put them on the back burner, hoping to one day relight them.
I used to think the same thing about out of control kids. I worked at a local diner and I can tell you there were many times that I wanted to take the kids outside myself if the parents weren't going to do it. Don't get me started on the fits in the stores. It got to the point that I would tell the parents that their child needed to taken outside.
Then I got my oldest son. He was extremely mistreated and abused. Not only did he have a strong addiction to meth but he was also covered in bruises and scars the day we brought him home. The last time he was left in his birth mothers care she had locked him the high chair for three days and two nights. A family member found him there with the mother no where to be found and the grandmother passed out on who knows what. They immediately took him to their home. He was just over two years old. That night at work I was told this story with tears and the family member asked me for help. I called hubby and the next day we went to meet him for the first time. He refused to leave my side and has been there ever since March 10, 2004 till today.
Two days after we brought him to out home was the first time I took him to Wal-Mart.....oh boy howdy. I have never seen a child act this way before. He did fine while shopping for clothes and toys and books for him. Then he had to give the cashier his new toy to be rung up. We didn't know what was coming next. The amount of hysterics that came was unlike anything I have ever seen. The eye opener for me was when a woman looked at us and said that perhaps I should discipline my son.
Yes I agree that parents need to have a firmer hand with their children but after getting my oldest son, I now study the actions and reactions before I mentally or verbally make a decision. I now realize that there might be underlying things that cause the tantrums. Granted about 90% of these tantrums are due to the parents lack of discipline.
I have spent hours upon hours talking with other parents and professionals about how to raise these boys with respect (on their end not mine). I try my hardest to keep firm control of them. I have also received many compliments from strangers in regards to their manners and their display of respect to others. I am not worried in the least about taking them in public or a restaurant. Don't get me wrong they still have times when a reminder walk to the bathroom or out to the truck is needed. At home we have our time out wall.
Sonjavon ~ hats off to ya for showing your son how his actions affect others. That was great!!