Ok, so I live 32 miles out in the country. Husband takes my vehicle everyday so I cant go anywhere. 1 and a half years ago said he was tired of all the "crap" on tv made us shut our cable off. I have read every book in this house 500 times or more, when we go to the store I ask him if I can have another he says you dont need one.I live in Wyoming my family is all in Kansas so no visits there, we dont have long distance calling. So today I got so bored I ordered direct tv. When he called me at lunch to see if I was doing my chores he was soooo mad now he even refuses to say I love you. Jeesh. Sometimes I feel like I dont even count. Sorry but I had to vent.
This is the kind of thing i get in trouble for all the time but he needs a kick in the gonads.
Why is he calling to make sure you are doing your chores? Why cant you make a decision about your tv? why is he telling you what you do and dont need?
I do not know exactly whats going on but from what you said in your post he sounds very controlling. I grew up around guys like that.
I totaly understand asking befor you buy things. I do that because he does the bills, I dont mess with the bills much so i dont know what has been payed. But him always telling you no, keeping your stuck in the house, and all that is BS.
***Edited By: pyrmom on 2/24/2007 4:25:03 PM*** Reason: *
I was in a relatinship like that for 8 years. By you reaching out to us here it sounds like you already recognize that your situation is not "normal". I would strongly suggest you getting back in touch with your family, develop a support system and try your best to see a counselor. It takes a lot for someone to be able to tell others what is going on but that's a big step in realizing that this may not be the best sitatuation to be in.
I can't judge some one elses life ,and tell you what's right or wrong. Only you can. If you feel you need to , seek out a counselor that the both of you can go to together. This way you can say what's important to you and vice versa for him.I'm not qaulified to give advice beyond that , i'm not a marriage counselor.Seeking advice from people from the internet in regards to personal issues such as marriage is really not a good idea.
the problem with telling your self whats wrong is that you dont always see it for your self.
My mother has been in countless relationships that always end bad. one guy held her down and burned her with cigs, another killed her dog and made her cut all contact with family (including my brother and I), another beat her with a cane untill she passed out when she came to he kicked her in the ribs then drug her to the garage and choked her with a wire. My mother though all this was normal and that the men she was with loved her.
Looking for advice online is not always the best idea but I dont think she was lookig for advice she just wanted to vet. But we decited to give our input anyway.
Somtimes people can take unprofessional advice to heart ,it can be dangerous. With out knowing her life on a personal level and only cyber level you only know a one sided version.Me personally I feel I am not qaulified enough to say much except seek a counselor if you feel it's needed.
red you are very right. honestly i dont know all the detals but her post just screams controll freak and abusive husband. I can be a little quick to judge when it comes to things like this though. I guess i was around it so much growing up that I have started jumping now.
i can see reason for not always buying books, it can cost alot expecaly if you read like I do, and for not wanting the tv hooked up. but i still dont see why hes calling to make sure your doing chories, that seems strange. Hubby will call from time to time to ask me to wash some of his pants or something like that but never to make sure im doing what he wants me to do. I think that just stands out as not normal for me.
Well you really shouldn't be asking us about this. You should be asking yourself. I feel badly for you but I don't know your husbands side of the story. And I can't tell you what to do because it's not my place to be doing that. The only thing I can tell you is to ask a counselor. Or a family member.
p.s. why don't you just e-mail your family? Thatís what I do. My family lives far away but I still keep in contact with them threw the power of the internet.
If you enjoy reading, you may want to check with your local library online to see what they offer. Many times, the libraries will have some kind of mobile library that goes out into the countryside towns to distribute books.
Depending upon where you live, they can mail books to you or try books on tape (audio).
Do your best to get in contact with your family. Your family will always be there for you, no matter what. Do not allow yourself to remain isolated and out of touch with your kin, it is another controlling factor.
Please break the cycle and don't allow your children (both now and in the future) to learn to settle for this kind of lifestyle.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.
Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense. Choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
If you have kids or plann to have kids it does need to stop ASAP. boys who grow up seeing there father or male figure act controlling will become controlling, Girls who grow up watching there mother or fem figure being controlled will end up being in a controlling realtionship. Of corse there are times when the kids watch and break the cycle because they dont want that but alot of kids will falow there parents foot steps. being controlling realtionships, child abuse, sexual abuse, drugs, drinking, even simple bad habbits like chewing nails, showing up late, and stomping when you walk can be passed down.
You have been married to this guy for how long? How old are the two of you? Did you know he was like this before marrying him and if so did you think you would be able to change him or did he change after marriage? No matter which of the above it is sounds like you need professional help, this is not a normal relationship by any stretch of the imagination.
cut off TV; can't have books; asks if doing chores; won't say i love you cuz you ordered TV; no long distance phone; isolated- adds up to control and you need a counselor definitely. this can progress to worse.