My 14 year old Chow mix is ready for the big sleep. My vet is coming over, and then somebody will pick her up and then return her ashes. Should I bury her, even though she's big? I can't think of her decaying up on my hillside. Will my other dog freak out? They both came home from the humane society on the same day. What do I need to do for him? What do I need to do for myself, be with her, or say goodbye and not participate? It totally freaks me out. I was able to help my mom die in hospice, but this seems so much harder because I don't know what shes thinking. What do you think?
Lovesherdog, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it's a horrible time. There's no right or wrong way to do this; so do what you feel is the best for all of you. It's very sad, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how you you are doing.
Personally I'd take the ashes over burial. You can keep the ashes with you forever, or scatter them in various spots, whatever you want to do.
There is no way to prepare yourself for this. It's going to be hard. Don't be afraid to cry.
As for your other dog, just give lots of extra attention and love. Dogs get over their grief a lot faster than we do. She'll be fine.
~When The Time Comes~
If it should be that I grow frail and weak And pain should keep me from my sleep, Then will you do what must be done, For this--the last battle--can't be won. You will be sad I understand, But don't let grief then stay your hand, For on this day, more than the rest, Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years, You wouldn't want me to suffer so. When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where my needs they'll tend, Only, stay with me till the end And hold me firm and speak to me Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree It is a kindness you do to me. Although my tail its last has waved, From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you Who has to decide this thing to do; We've been so close--we two--these years, Don't let your heart hold any tears.
http://www.ashleyspets.com "A dog is not almost human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such.
I always tried to prepare myself by playing the scenario in my mind. Then when the time comes everything just comes over like a tidalwave. Just allow yourself to do what you feel is right and to allow yourself all the emotions that come with grieving. And you're right, it seems loosing a loved pet seems harder to do than with a human part of the famiy. I think it's because we're allowed to determind when and how life will end for our pet which can cause a sense of guilt. Sometimes people feel that others will view them as crazy for grieving for a pet. They just haven't had the privilege of loving a pet.
So, whatever you decide to do to make things easier for you is the right thing to do. All your feelings and emotions are ok as well.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't think there's ever a way to prepare are selves when we are faced with such a tough decison as this. I know for myself it brought me comfort having my dog's ashes. Now that may sound strange ..but it does. She was never a out side dog alwayes in doors at night & I couldn't bring myself to bury her out door's. I will keep you in my thought's and prayer's. The people on here have been the best out let for me since my dog passed. I encourage you to utilize this site. God Bless!
With every dog we've shared our lives with in my rather lengthy life we've never had one go peacefully in his/her sleep & it's always been left up to us to make that fateful & painful decision. Personally we've always shared those last few moments with them, their heads in our lap & rubbing their tummies as we sat on the floor giving them loves. Difficult? - you bet, feeling like being kicked in the chest by a mule AND having someone rip the heart right out of you at the same time, but we personally feel we owe it to our "kids" to give them loves & alleviate any anxiety in those final moments. Of course I'm sure our emotional meltdown creates its own anxiety but it's important to us that they're surrounded by loved ones & not just with the vet.
Our vets have always warned us that the dog might seizure or empty his/her bowels but that's never happened & they've always very peacefully drifted off "to sleep". And the vets have ALways been exTREMEly compassionate so sobbing our hearts out has always been dealt with in a very compassionate & thoroughly understanding manner.
Four years ago was the first time we let our other dog out of the bedroom where she was being confined to sniff her "brother" after he was "gone", per the vet's recommendation, & she actually seemed able to "understand" in a way that others didn't in the past so the vet may be on to something. In the past all our other dogs knew is that "Mom" & "Dad" were wracked with pain, sobbing uncontrollably, & their "buddy" was no where to be found.
Now, having said all that, deciding to be there in the end is a MOST personal decision & while we feel that we owe it to our devoted "kids" to be there for all the trying times they were there for us, it may very well not work for you & you have to do whatever it is that helps YOU get through this very tragic heartache. My heart goes out to you during this amazingly painful time. God bless you...
***Edited By: Lucky Lady on 7/26/2007 2:36:38 AM*** Reason: *
Its never an easy thing no matter how its handled. I think something too that really helps is to have someone you can talk too. Lifeofriley and I lost our dogs in the same week. We talked, and talked and talked and it helped me so much. I still cry and I think about Max everyday. My other two are still mourning him too. Time, time and more time is the answer too. Everyone reacts different and every sitution is different. We will be thinking about you and praying for you because it is tough to go through. You have all of us here to listen and just take it one day at a time. Be thinking about ya!!!
I am so very sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares us for this, nothing prepares us for death of any kind. Be well, all of our thoughts and prayers go to you. Something I actually wrote a year ago to help me through a very painful time:
"It is the love that forces us to do the unbearable. It is also the love that slowly heals our broken hearts"
What beautiful thoughts & words to say... It still chokes me up to think about a red dobie we used to have. He touched all of our lives and really helped encourage my love for animals, especially rescues!
I agree with not saying goodbye along with appreciating the moments you did have.
Rosie closed her eyes and fell off to sleep last night. Why do I feel so guilty? I will never be without this dog in my heart. She was a part of me, or me apart of her. I don't need to tell all you how much pain I'm in, you are all animal lovers, and you do know...glad to have a place to share my memories, pains, and loves. To all Thank You Lovesherdog
Again, I am so sorry. Just give yourself the time to mourn all you want. It has been 2months and I am still bawling. I think my husband is afraid to take me out to eat and Max come up in the conversation. I have cried in resturants, driving down the street, talking to friends, and you know what? I am never ashamed or embarrassed because he was apart of our family. So, you take all the time you need and talk, talk, talk all you need, and if people don't understand thats their loss. My thoughts are certainly with you.
i am really sorry your chow must have been very special ive had to go through the same situation with both of my great preneses they put there ashes in an urn which i keep in my bedroom on my dresser my dad was also cremated and my mom keeps his urn on the night stand next to her bed ask the vet for an urn that way she can stay with you again i am sorry it really doesnt get easier i always will think about about chago and lillie
i am so sorry. i know you must be so upset. you did the right, most compassionate thing for the one you love so much. you took care of your baby even to the end. my thoughts are with you. anytime you want to talk, we're all here...
Indifference turns clarity into denial. ~Quan Tracy Cherry
My deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved dog & faithful friend. May you find peace in the precious memories of your dog to overcome the pain with in your heart. After Just recently lossing my Husky I know there's a void you feel. They leave such memorable & unconditional loving paw prints on are hearts.