WHAT IS A CAT? 1.Cats do what they want. 2.They rarely listen to you. 3. They are totally unpredictable. 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 7. they are moody. 8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They are tiny little women in fur coats!
WHAT IS A DOG? 1. Dog's spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2.They can hear a package of food being opened half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3.They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They leave their toys everywhere. 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. 9. They go right for the crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION: They are tiny little men in fur coats!
These are just some of the things I must remember: 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the couch and under the bed. 4. I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house. 5. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick. 7. I must not throw up in the car. 8. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the litter box. Although they are tasty, they are not food. 9.When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside. 10. We do not have a doorbell - I will not bark each time I hear one on TV. 11. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with them. 12. My head does not belong in the fridge. 13.I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for my mom's driver's license and registration. 14.I will not roll around in the dirt right after getting a bath. 15. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 16. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello. 17. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he is sitting on the toilet. 18. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending supply of water, and just because it's blue doesn't mean it's cleaner. 19.I will not side in the middle of the living room and lick myself when company is over. 20. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when playing with him, it's usually not a good thing if he makes that noise.
21. I WILL remember that suddenly turning around and smelling my rear can quickly clear a room!