My husband's cat, a neutered de-clawed male, is larger than either of my cats, a brother and sister neutered and spayed but not de-clawed. My male is doing better than is my girl. She hides in my bedroom most of the time...has accidents on occasion, usually because my husband's cat has interfered with her ability to get to the little box. My male will often run into the bedroom if he hears an alteracation beginning so as to come to the littler female's rescue. I've had lots of dogs and cats and expected some issues, but my husband's cat is also attacking me and my children now. He has a thing for bare legs which was established prior to my cats having descended into his world, but this is clearly aggressive behavior. I'm intimidated by him, certainly my 8 pound cat would be. We are going to try reversing their places at night...allow my husband's cat to be in the bedroom and give my cats free rein of the house at night. We're going on 2 months now. How long should I expect this to go on? And what to do about the Alpha Male's challenging me and my children?
I am not sure if your husband will be ok with this since it's his cat. But I would get a squirt bottle and when the cat is intimidating you or the kids, shoot him. Just one quick spray is enough to let him know that there is a consequence for his behavior and that you're not taking his crap anymore. Good thing he doesn't have claws! (and you won't hear that from me very often because I don't approve of declawing. But it was obviously a wise choice this time. LOL) I don't have any advice to offer for your poor girl kitty. My three were all still kittens as I added each one so they didn't have a hard time adjusting. But do you have a separate litter box for her? Does it have a hood? That would give her some privacy if she can get to it safely.