Okay remember back in December my hubby went through his little scare with cancer....Yup, we are being hit again with it. Not hubby but a very very very close family friend, it is terminal, and at this point he has 5 days at most. I am having a really hard time, as is hubby and his brother and his girlfriend. Hubby and I are having A LOT of arguments over stupid piddly little things. His mother is tearing our family apart....I don't know what to do. I want to tell her what is on my mind, but don't want me to be the reason the family falls apart.
She is keeping hubby and his brother in the dark on everything, stating it is none of their business (well they acutally get the inheritance split between them 50/50) so, yup, I would think it is their business. She yells at me because hubby is home with the kids all the time (he farms and watches the kids while I work out) and he is stressed, but has yet to offer her services to watch our children. On the other hand, she is looking for a sitter for us, which I DID NOT tell her to do whatsoever! She is not telling hubby and his brother anything that is going on with this man. Complains that she cannot work because she has to take care of him, well he has a boyfriend (yup he is a homosexual) that is there 24/7 caring for him, and she is not needed. But proceeds to complain that she can't pay her bills because she cannot work. Blah Blah Blah. I am at wits end here. This is so hard for all of us to watch this man suffer near the end here and she seems to think it is ALL ABOUT HER! I am so ready to tell her off, but don't feel that is my place to do it, it is hubby and his brothers? Am I wrong, what should I do.
I would say there needs to be a discussion between you and her. Let your husband know you are going to say something, matter of fact it would be better to have him present so that things can't get twisted around.
In all likelihood, the chance of him or his brother putting her in check isn't very good.
Just stay strong for your family. Let your mother in law know that everyone is hurting, if she needs someone to vent on, help her find a neutral person to talk to. Doesn't have to be a shrink, just someone who will listen.
These rifts will happen in relationships with family, it's best to get everything out in the open and move on! Trust me, I was at odds with a soon to be mother in law for three years. That is a long time, and we missed out on a lot of each others lives. Not to mention my fiance's little sister growing up... though at the time, it seemed to be what I wanted, it was all very petty and insignificant. I could have never estimated just how huge a weight would be lifted off my shoulders in ending the estrangement.
Not to mention the relief and joy from the other half, couldn't have been a picnic for him either.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately there is no easy answer. I can only sugget that you discuss with your husband what you would like to do/say and get his perspective on it so you dont go spout off then realize you upset him by doing it. Agree on what is ok to say and make sure all 3 of you are present for it. It sucks to have in-laws issues straining your marriage. I have been there/done that.
So sorry to know that your friend is suffering and going through this....sending strength for both him and you two.
People are like slinky's, not really good for much. But its still fun to push them down the stairs.
I'm so very sorry, too, to hear what you're going through & you would think that with what you & your husband just recently went through his mom would be so grateful that she would be bending over backwards to eliminate stress from her son's life instead of doing her darnedest to create more! Good grief!
I have to agree, though, that to approach her without your husband's complete support could only create more strife between you & your husband, on top of what you both just recently went through & adding on the stress of your impending loss of your dear friend.
Isn't there some way you could establish a third-party line of communication regarding your friend, perhaps through your friend's partner, that doesn't involve having to go through your mother-in-law? In that way, should your mother-in-law object you could very politely tell her that, as adults, your ("our", you & your husband's) relationship with the friend is really none of HER business. She has to recognize you & your husband as a team & learn to respect you as adults who cultivate friendships that revolve above & beyond her.
Again, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this - every which way.
***Edited By: Lucky Lady on 2/28/2008 3:17:16 AM*** Reason: *
Dogs have taught me all I need to know about life, love, loyalty, & laughter; & (heartbreakingly), loss & "letting go" of a loved one as well. God bless ‘em…