Don't mean to turn this into a Dr. Phil episode but I was wondering if anyones wisdom could help me out tonight. Here's the thing, I absolutely ADORE cats! I've had many throughout my life because my mother and father are avid pet lovers. However, when I moved to a new state with them, they were terrified of getting more cats because they had birds and were tired of the cats eating them. So I begged them for 3 YEARS straight to get me a cat...until they finally gave in! I got my most perfect soul-mate of a pet ever. I love her so much! Now, I met a guy and fell in love. We moved into HIS house and he already had a dog, and a very old one at that. He first said he didn't want a cat because his grandma (who we were living with at the time) was horrified of them, then it was because he didn't want the responsibility of another pet (although I said I would take it all), then it was because he is allergic (which he has grown a tolerance for) and NOW its because he doesn't want cat hair everywhere...OMG! Anything else? My cat is currently safe and well-fed with my parents, but I miss her companionship so much! What do I do?! I don't think it's very fair he can have his dog, but once he dies, no more pets says my boyfriend. I am absolutely lost! Please help, if you can. :(
Im sorry to have to say this, but I would have stopped at the moving in stage if it meant moving in without my cat. Now that you've made the decision to move in with him and leave your cat behind, and your cat has a good and happy home... he is going to see it as you've already made your decision and he's not going to back down. It isnt fair that you moved into his house and he's keeping his dog, and he is still seeing it as his house and not making allowences for the both of you. But you agreed to do it or didnt discuss these things before moving in together. I would move out, but really only you can make the decision.
If a man gave me an ultimatum-him or my pets-I would chose my pets every time. There is absolutely NO WAY I would ever give up my pets for a man. Fortunately, my husband feels the same way about cats and dogs as I do. I wouldn't have married him if he didn't.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
I married a man that was highly allergic to cats but he loved me enough to try. The poor guy was actually losing lung capacity because my cats were killing him. I kept the house spotless and ran HEPA air cleaners constantly. Finally, his doctor said the cats had to go. I sent the cats back to live with my Mom because what else could I do? By the time I was on my own it would have been cruel to transplant them again so I let them live out their lives with her. What I'm trying to say in a round about way is...your boyfriend is NOT trying to make you happy. Can you be happy with someone who does not share your love of animals? I couldn't be. I can't imagine life without my furballs and my current boyfriend has bought me all of my cats that I have now. He even encouraged me to get all three. He has basically assured himself that no other man would ever want me with my zoo. So I am his for life. LOL
I also have to say that your boyfriend is not trying enough. My mom does not like cats and I always wanted one. I always said when I had my own house I would have a cat. Well, my luck, my husband is allergic. (to the point he wheezes so bad he can't breathe with certain cats.) Well, when we got married, I pleaded to get a cat. He said he was allergic, my response was that if I had to, I would bathe the cat once a week and I would buy stuff to reduce their dander to put on him in between baths. He agreed, with the statement that (obviously) the cat would have to go if he coundnt breathe. We took a gamble and got a kitten. I bathed him and put that stuff on him often and my husband was fine. Eventually, we realized it's either long haired cats or dander on cats that don't get bathed. My cat now gets a bath everytime the dogs do, which is roughly once every 3 months (unless the dogs get muddy or something and need a bath).
Then on top of it, everytime I talked about getting another dog, my husbands initial reaction was no, but lucky for me, he's a sucker for pets and we'd go see one and voila! we got the dog, heheheheh!
So also what I'm saying in a longwinded way, is that my husband was and is willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy..... And it helps he's a sucker for all animals :)
AngryAngel -- I'm concerned about your situation, but not for the reason you'd expect.
From what you've described here, you've gone straight from your parents making decisions for you to your boyfriend making decisions for you. At what point do you strike out on your own and make your own decisions?
You might call me weird (and I have been called that before) but my pets come before any guy. If I guy ever said its me or the cat I would pack right then and there. And if he asks what you are doing tell him you choose the cat over a controlling guy.
I am more concerned that it doesn't seem to me that your boyfriend cares enough about you to consider your feelings about the cat. I would wonder if he would be like in a few years, when the "newness" of the relationship wears off.
I have to admit, I felt the same way your boyfriend did until I met my husband. He rescued a cat in a barn under a cow..I fell in love with his compassion then his cat...now we have a house filled with love and animals..Good luck to you..tough decision.
Angry Angel, My marriage is currently breaking up over my cats! As much as you love him, its only gonna get worse. Believe me, you will end up resenting him over having to give up your kitty. Secondly, if he feels he can control you over this, he will feel he can continue to control your moves and decisions.
I would run screaming!!!! Could you actually live the rest of your life without ever having the companionship of an animal? I couldn't, and since you did bring up DR Phil his saying is if you want to know someones behavior in the future then look at the way they are now, meaning even if he says he will get one in the future just so you will stay with him, doesn't make it true.