about 2 months ago i was told about a situation that just sickened me. apparently, the grandmother of two children, aged 8 & 6, walked into her grandchildrens bedroom and found them playing an exaggerated(sp) game of "doctor". the girl (8yrs old) was the "doctor" and the "patient" was her 6 year old brother. when the grandmother questioned the girl about what she was doing it was revealed that her father used to do things to her so i guess she was trying them out on her brother.
the person who told me this had known about it for a short while before telling me so i asked her if anyone had done anything about this information. at that time no one had because the mother of the children had asked that no one be told about it. the mother stated that the girl is in counseling, but it is known that she was receiving counseling before this came out for other problems. no one mentioned whether or not the little boy is receiving counseling or not and no one close to the family has bothered to even ask that question. they seem to be more focused on the girl as she was the initiator.
the grandmother, when she was just a mother, has a daughter who many years ago was victimized by an adult male. she chose then not to believe her daughter or get her help, so it took several other members of the family to report it and get the guy out of the house and the girl into counseling.
knowing the previous history of the grandmothers lack of response to her own daughters situation, i questioned that these little kids weren't being treated, their situation being handled, appropriately. not knowing a lot of information, i made a call to child services and explained everything i knew, told them that i heard it third party, was totally honest about everything i had heard and what i knew about the family etc. they asked me if the kids were safe in the home they were in, and i believe that they are. the grandparents, with whom they live, would never do anything to them so they are safe in that respect. however i knew nothing of whether the father still had visiting rights, whether it was ever investigated that it was indeed their father and not another adult male with whom they may have current contact, etc.
the UGH part about this whole thing is that child services never followed up on this. i can't say with 100% conviction that they haven't, but i know that if child services had been out to investigate these allegations, i would have heard. i know the grandmother would have called up the person who told me and told them and i know that once that had happened, everyone would know i was the one who placed the call. i made a huge stink about the way that all these people who knew were handling the whole situation and made no bones about the fact that if their way didn't get results that i was satisfied with, i was going to call and report it all. i pretty much gave them about 2 days to deal with it their way, they failed in my eyes, and i called.
i was told by people who have called in and made reports on all matters of child abuse that child services, no matter how much or how little information they received, would check into it within hours of any phone call made, no matter time of day or night.
i am thinking about calling them again and asking if they followed up on my phone call. i don't know if they can give out information like that or not but i guess it cannot hurt to ask.
this whole thing pissed me off from the get go. from their family not wanting to upset the applecart, thinking that just talking to the grandmother and finding out if everything is being dealt with, as if taking her word for it after what happened to her own daughter and her inappropriate response to that, would be enough to just let it go, to the real possibility that child services didn't do their job.
these two little kids are having emotional problems, to the point where they have acted out with extreme violent behavior towards one another and other kids and adults. something is just not right and i feel like these kids are just not getting what they need. now the little girl is being shipped off to her mothers sisters house to live because the grandmother cannot handle the two children together. i hope that this living arrangement will benefit the little girl instead of doing more harm to her.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Scout, molestation happens far more than people want to hear or are comfortable talking about. That is the sad truth... What is worse, is the cycle tends to continue. No one talks to the damaged children, tells them it is not their fault or listens to how they feel. Lots of them feel guilty because of the good feelings that come from something so horrible at the hands of someone who was suppose to protect them, and give them a sense of security.
I hope these children can over come all the emotions they are dealing with and grow into healthy adults despite these unspeakable circumstances. On the bright side, that can also happen
Don't let it keep you up at night too much, you did what you could do which is more than most would in this day and age. People don't want to involve themselves afraid of law suits, time in court, retaliation etc.. The law doesn't work like on TV for people or for animals, I have learned this from many disheartening personal experiences.
Just be thankful for your son and family. And grateful at how healthy and normal he was raised compared to some of today's youth.
They must be overburdened with cases in your area. Because several years ago my husband's ex-wife made up lies about him and called DCF (Connecticut) and they were on us in a heartbeat. She was mad because we took custody after she got arrested in Florida and then took permanent custody because my step daughter didn't want to go back. So she made up a story about how he was beating Amanda and we had to go through the humililiation of a case worker prying through our business and inspecting our home. Even the case worker was confused because our home was spotless, plenty of food, two hardworking parents, etc. Big waste of her time and a big annoyance for us. But in your case, you told the truth and did what you thought was right. There's not much more you could do. Don't let it sour you about doing it again if you see this kind of situation. Sometimes the system really does work, even if it is at the wrong times like for us.
Scout the sad thing is that even when they do respond they dont always do something. Last year my little cousin died 2 days after his b-day.We alone as the family called 18 times in a 12 month period and even though the case worker seen the track marks on his mothers arm,new of all the legal trouble and had school records they did nothing. His pain and suffering is over now but unfortanately so is his life.
It is real wierd this thread came up today as the evil witch is getting sentenced today.I was gonna go but decided I couldnt handle it. I would probably be in jail for assult in the court room.I will catch the results on the news tonight.
STURGIS (NEWSCHANNEL 3) - A mother is in custody today after the suspicious death of her son. *********,37, is being held for the death of her son ********,15, also known as Jake.
The childs death back in April was suspicious and unexplained. Police claim that the mother had a underage marijuana smoking party. In which her son overdosed and desperately needed medical attention.
She did not call the police and her son died the next day. The mother then gave the rest of the drugs to the teens.
After an investigation, St. Joseph County Prosecutors authorized her arrest and charged her with homicide/manslaughter a maximum sentence of 15 years. Also child abuse in the first degree and three counts of delivery of an illegal substance.
Sorry to keep rambling on this thread but if you search you will find multiple states who are getting sued over leaving children in unsafe homes.Alot people dont sue because you are initially told that they are a government agency and have immunities but that is wrong.We now have an attorney from New York and we are in Michigan but she is one of the few willing to touch this case.
I called CPS myself (again) 6 days before he died.When I dropped him off I begged him to get a bag of his stuff and come with me but he couldnt leave his baby sister he said. He assured me that if things got to bad he would call me to come get him,he couldnt use the phone after his mom overdosed him on narcotic pain relievers because he said he had a headache,he couldnt call no one and she didnt because she didnt want to get in trouble so she watched him choke to death on his own vomit.I think everyday what if I didnt give up so easy and take him home on that Sunday.
If any of you ever suspect something is wrong with a childs care please dont give up, keep calling. Call everyday if you have too
Ugh... we were invovled in a similar situation a couple of years ago. Befriended our neighbor, who had two children also 8 and 6, and we got especially attached to the children, found out some things that were going on in the house but gave the neighbor a warning that we knew and she need to get things back on track. Not sexual abuse, but physical and emotional and also neglect. To the point where her daughter had made a suicide attempt, at only 8 y.o wrapped a plastic bag around her head, but they didn't want to alert the authorities or take her to counseling or anything. Was told if we did anything she'd say that, as we are a lesbian couple, that she'd tell the authorities we were doing things with her 8 year old daughter, would convince her to say these things were true. We were disgusted, decided to move, called CPS the morning we moved as were were afraid to earlier due to her remarks and remarks made by the man whom she had visiting quite often, thought there might be some reciprication if we reported right away. Waited two weeks, we moved outta there damn quick. Was told by CPS we waited too long, that anything we said was heresy, that unless their we marks on the child at that time (which we wouldn't know, not having contact in those two weeks) they couldn't even go out there to investigate, that we couldn't believe what the child said even though the mother validated that it happened to us when we confronted her, basically that nothing will be done but they will file our complaint, nevermind that she'd already had her children taken from her twice, so it wasn't like it was the first time she'd ever been reported on. Broke our hearts leaving those kids behind. Hardest thing I've ever done. If it were an option we'd have stolen them away with us. We weren't even able to say goodbye, and they cried and cried. Have friends still in the area but I'm always afraid to ask if they are still in touch with the family and how things are going. Part of me just doesn't want to know. Soured our relationship with other kids now, we don't know any of the kids in this neighborhood even though they would like to play with our dogs, we have friends with kids, but remain pretty dettached with them. Afraid to be hurt like that again.
I don't know about the state that you live in, but in my state (and being a mandatory reporter), DCFS (Dep of Child & Familiy Services) has to check on any case reported within a 24 hour period of time. They take your information and all of the information about the case. The person reporting the case must recieve a letter within 30 days of the complaint to explain whether the case is deemed unfounded or if there will be an on-going investigation. I would definately call again - and again and again until something gets done! I have seen WAY too many cases of neglect and abuse that nothing ever gets done about (state unfounded cases)! Earlier this year I lost a former student to abuse (his father ran him over with his car), this is after the year before being reported 4 times by myself alone. He moved out of my district and I couldn't report on him anymore. Anyway, the state still made this child visit his father, even though he was petrified. Needless to say, Hell is not hot enough for this man (or any child abuser for that matter).
"No matter how little money and how few possesions you own, having a dog makes you rich." - Louis Sabin
I have foster children from a near by reserve, and violence drug/alcohol abuse, incest and sexual assault is an every day occurrence.The children are taught to keep their mouths shut, hence the suicide rate on this reserve is the highest in the country. I have had to attend many of them in my work, and I'm ashamed to say it's getting normal.These childen tell me all about the horrors they have gone through, and there is no reporting agency to help them. The people who work in their version of Child and family services are all related to the abusers, and I as a white woman have no chance of being listened to. The last time one of my foster boys threatened suicide, I made the mistake of calling the appropriate dept on the rez. The woman I spoke to then turned around and phoned the boy's mother(her cousin) and the next time the boy was allowed a home visit he was told by his mother'not to be teling me those things, it's none of my business'. So, it's a catch 22. I help as much as I can, but the whole place is one festering heap of cruelty, nepotism, corruption, and ignorance. The last thing I found out yesterday was the chief is on house arrest because he was caught with a large amount of cocaine. So sad.
This thread makes me so sad. Child abuse is rampant and getting worse as is Spousal abuse. Have read that these incidents spike when money is scarce, jobs are lost etc. These are really tough times and getting tougher.
People need to report these things but I agree sometimes they are just so swamped in the various agencies that it seems as if nothing is done.
I bet Pen that they will investigate your allegations, and you will probably hear when they do.
thanks guys for responding, and with some experiences in the matter i am sure were not easy to talk about. i know it broke my heart to read, i can't imagine how you must feel.
it is just a very frustrating situation. the state i live in is a reporting state, though i don't believe the state these children live in is one which prompted me all the more to call because if it isn't then these kids may not be getting the help they are supposedly getting; the girl anyway, still have heard nothing about the little boy.
and it just a little more than infuriates me that cps never folowed up on my phone call. apparently the kids will be down for a family BBQ over the july 4th holiday. maybe the grandmother herself will stick around this time instead of just leaving them here with other family members, and she and i can have a little discussion.
i am just at a loss right now on how else to proceed. it doesn't feel right for me to just say hey i called, now its up to them. but i don't know what else to do at this point.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
There is no punishment on earth brutal enough for those who take advantage of the innocence of our children. My boyfriend knows a guy on trial for having sex with his 13 year old step-daughter and her 13 year old friend. He does not think he did anything wrong because the sex was "consentual". These girls were 13! They don't have the mentality, not to mention the legal ability, to consent to sex!!! To make it worse, his wife (the one girl's MOTHER) is sticking up for him. It makes me so friggin mad!!!!! If anyone ever messes with my son they wouldn't find enough of them to wipe up with a sponge!
I like most cats better than I like most people. I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.