Well I recently lossed my bassett hound that I adopted from the humane society. She was fairly old when we rescued her from that place and as time had elapsed, we became so fond of her. So with her passing, it's been a difficult transition. I've tried my best to cope with the loss of her. I recently got two new bassett hounds from a breeder in hopes that it'll help make things less difficult for me. The two new dogs are terrific and I know that their personalities are different from that of my previous pal. I've just felt like I've made a mistake in getting the new dogs. Is this normal? What should I do?
I'm sorry about the loss of your dear old friend. Perhaps you didn't give your self time to grieve the loss of that dog before you bought 2 more. My opinion is that if you're not 100% bonded to those 2 pups, I would send them back to the breeder. When you purchase a dog, you have to be in love with it, or you never will be. The memory of your previous dog is too strong in your heart and mind, and unfortunately, that's not fair to the 2 new pups. I'm not trying to be mean, but you would be better off waiting a year or so; before even thinking of getting another Bassett, never mind 2. They are going to have to bond with each other, because your heart isn't in it, leading to more problems down the road. I'm sorry, but as a breeder, that's one of the questions on my application, 'Have you recently lost a dog, and how long did you have her/him?' If the answer is with in the last 3 months, I usually kindly suggest that they wait for the next litter, which in my case is only once or twice a year. Sit and think about these pups, and ask your self if you really love them. If the answer is no, then do them and yourself a huge favour, and return them. ((HUGS))
pen2 i usually agree with you but I think you can grow to love the dogs. When I got Otis I cried because I didn't know if I could handle him (he had agression, dominance, fear issues...you name it) and I certainly didn't like him. But time (and lots of training) has made me love that little bugger :) I wouldn't say you'll never bond. It's most likley a realization that these dogs aren't going to replace your other dog like you had probably hoped.
The hardest years are those between 10 and 70. -- Helen Hayes
I think every person is different in grieving. When our Brittany Spaniel died, I was devestated. I could't even think about a new dog for 6 months, and then my husband had to push me. Thank God he did. However, I have a friend whose dog recently died and within a month she had a new dog and is completely in love with this one too.
If you don't feel as if you have bonded with the new dogs, do them a favor and return them to the breeder. You have to think of what is best for the dogs.
I have to agree with pen on this one. My neighbors did the same thing. They had a wonderful yellow lab. Of course he was wonderful b/c they trained him so well. When he died suddenly, they rushed out and brought home two pups sired by their dogs littermate. Just like you their hearts weren't in it. I heard constantly about how they weren't like Hunter. The poor dogs are now outside 24/7 and receive very little attention. They bark constantly out of boredom and keep poor me awake most of the night. If I were you I would seriously consider sending one or both back to the breeder. Let's just hope your breeder cares enough about the dogs they produce to take them back.
As others have said, everyone grieves differently & there's no "right way" or "wrong way" to work through the loss of your beloved dog.
We've always had "his & her" dogs & we haven't been without at least 2 dogs sharing our home before or since one brief time in the early 90s when "his" dog had to unexpectedly be put to sleep. When my husband took our one remaining dog ("my" dog) camping with him to try & overcome the loss of his beloved dog, I was left dog-less for the first time since I was 5 years old (I was in my early 40s at that time), & I knew we'd never be in a position like that again.
The second to the last dog we had to have put to sleep (2003), we knew for a week that day was coming (scheduled vet to come to our home), & we went out & chose another puppy early during that week. We made arrangements with the litter owner to hold on to our pup until the day after we sent our "little guy" on to greener pastures. It wasn't to "replace" our "little guy" (my husband picked out a "little girl" this time, & a mixed breed vs. purebred), so much as it was knowing from our past experience that we'd need someone to help fill the void we knew we'd immediately have in our lives.
With the last beloved dog we had to have put to sleep (2005), we had our 2 year old "little girl" & a 6 month old puppy also in our home so we felt no need to add to our family but had we had only one pup at that time we would have brought another pup into our home ASAP to again help to fill that horrific void.
We've found that a new puppy forces us to come "out of ourselves", out of our grief to some extent, as we focus on adopting the new puppy into our lives. And we've also found that a new puppy in the home brings along laughter at a time when we feel we'll never be able to laugh again.
If a "mistake" was made on your part, it may have been bringing two new dogs into your life at this time. You didn't mention if they're puppies or older dogs but, either way, I can see where the two together might be more overwhelming than comforting & consoling. With one new pup you'd have individual cuddle time, someone to hold lovingly in your arms literally giving you a "shoulder to cry on" during those times when your grief becomes overwhelming.
I'm hoping that perhaps you have a loving family member or close personal friend who has shown delight in your new puppies & who might welcome one of them into their home, leaving you with one pup to bond with, shower your love upon, & with whom you can share your grief during quiet, cuddle times (which are probably few & far between right now with your two new pups). My heart goes out to you during this very difficult time.
Dogs have taught me all I need to know about life, love, loyalty, & laughter; & (heartbreakingly), loss & "letting go" of a loved one as well. God bless ‘em…
Perhaps I should have made a little less harsh statement about never bonding with the 2 new dogs. I'm only trying to point out that since you (OP) have expressed doubts about getting these 2 dogs, immediately my series of red flags start popping up.(as a breeder) If the dogs are puppies, as I understand they are, you do have a possibility of bonding with them, however, if they are adult, I believe it would be much more difficult. All you will see is your other dog, and notice all their short comings. Since puppies are so cute, they do tend to grab your heart, but if that has not happened yet, in my opinion it doesn't bode well for any of you. I know this is a very hard time for you, and I wish peace for you in the future. Your own heart will tell you what to do about the 2 dogs. ((HUGS))
Thank you to all who responded. I will take into consideration all your suggestions and comments. I am taking this situation day by day. I don't want to completely give up the dogs without trying. If I still feel the same way within the next three weeks, I believe it will be better for me to give up the dogs to someone who will take good care of them. Again, thank you.