More Doggie Horoscopes

Topic: Dog Horoscopes

Filed under Dogs

Tags: Diet, Miscellaneous

 

Everything begins in January, according to humans. The holidays end. There are all sorts of scary things called "bills" and something even more frightening. It is the post-holiday fallout. If your person was prone to overindulging during the great month past, I would hide the scales if I were you. Your person may start to go on shudder, a diet you know all about that you little Weiner dogs, pugs, bulldogs and labs. B-O-R-I-N-G spells diet so too does Starving. But, just hang in there. Diets and exercising at the gym are ridiculous when they have a perfectly good exercise tool at home - dog walking you, usually don't last long. They are all part of something called a New Year's Resolution. Beware them all.

They may even resolve to take you to dog classes. Of course, this is great for socializing. I had fun last year until this large, Neanderthal mutt thought it could take on not-so-little moi. And, well, that was the end of the puppy classes. But I digress. Just be wary of all things that start with the Words - Resolution or change. These all end in greatly upsetting your life - rarely for the good.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

You are always looking for harmony on the home front. You want to do the right thing and sometimes you even do so. Just keep on trying. Eventually, you will get there. Who knows, this month, you might even complete beginners class. Well, it shouldn't matter that you are 3, 4 or 5 and you have taken them how many times? Is it your fault, really? Some instructors are not very adept are they?

After the 24th, change your way of operating. They are on to you. Your people have finally figured out you, and not the cat, are sitting on the back of the couch staring out the window and wrecking the blinds. And it only took them how long?

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Up until the 11th, Aquarius, you will gain fame - or more likely, notoriety, by sharing your brilliant insights. Your comments on your person's partner's sneaking in at 3 a.m. when he was to be home at midnight come to mind. How do you manage to sound so innocent when really you have wanted to get even with the bum forever. He likes cats for pete's sake.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Have faith, Pisces. There is new hope for that project you had to give up on last year. Be prepares to take on that bully cat next door. Maybe you will finally get to dig that hole to China or spend an entire day at the beach digging up clams.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Your are driven and you will succeed. This time, even if you are a Malamute or an Afghan, you will pass that Obedience Class. Your peers do admire your stubbornness, but not so much your humans. It may be this is the month you need to give a little Aries. You are charming, so exert it now and let them think you are learning what they want you to. Remember. At the end of a long walk, there is always a biscuit or two.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Taurus, do some soul searching to figure out what you truly need. Do be sure to differentiate it from what you want. It is all very fine to want to eat until you puke, but this is not what you - and definitely your person, need. Remember what happened last time you gave in to this desire? I believe it was a large tub of margarine someone left too close to the table's edge. All that yellow exploded everywhere and your person was - well you know what I mean.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

New challenges add swagger to your step. So they think that Baby-gate is really going to stop you. Hah!! They have just raised the bars in agility. Let it roll. If nothing else, it will keep you from becoming bored.

You may even want to be charitable later this month. Pick up your squeakies one by one and squeeze them. Is this what you want? What about your stuffies. How about those long-lasting chewies? Focus, Gemini. Focus. There is life beyond the baby gate.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

When was the last time you lounged around the house all morning and didn't share a biscuit with anyone - man or beast? Oh, yeah. Yesterday. And come to think of it, you never share your biscuits - even the ones you don't like.

So, Cancer, continue to indulge yourself this month. Later, upgrade your skills. Get off the couch that, frankly, is beginning to sage a little from your weight. Attend a training session willingly with your person. And pay attention Cancer, I know you do not like to listen to others opinions, listen to what is being said. They speak a whole new language and you might actually enjoy it.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Make a conscious choice of where you want to go this month and even this year. Paws for a moment. Stop and try to think and re-assess where you are actually going. Look right, look left and then drag your person across the street to your favorite park.

On the larger scale, Leo, consider where you want to be next year. If the rumors are true, you might want to stop bossing your humans and their other animals around. I have heard they have been checking out puppy classes. While you have been sleeping, they have been watching shows like "The Dog Whisperer." You all know what he says about bossy dogs.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Though you are far from a "delicate flower," your people tend to treat you like one. Okay, so the frilly skirts, booties and coats do not really suit you. You are a pit bull at heart - even if you look like a Chinese Crested. Let it go. Sometimes wearing a coat and bonnet is worth it. Absorb the scorn from the other dogs on the block and accept the symbiotic union of booties and bonbons.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

RSVP to a swanky event you were to fearful to attend last year - that rumble in the park, the ultimate Frisbie event, the tea party with that cute Rottweiler or Schnauzer, the annual dog show. Whether it is the cutest pet in town show or an extraordinarily tedious visit to that prissy friend's house, bite down - and not on his/her cat and do it.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

The mystical animal for a Scorpio is the Phoenix. This month, you need to remember this. No matter how burnt out you get from running your person in circles, you will rise up whole from the ashes and do it all over again.

This all ties up with your desire to find out everything, try everything from rooting through the garbage to scrapping with the cat to leaping in the bathtub with your person present. Anything to make yourself feel vital. Do try to remember, Scorpio, there is someone at the other end of the leash. Do try to.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Listen up Saggitarius, happy, helpful, playful puppy that you are. This month, you are on-a-roll and no, I do not mean in the grass or the mud. Your cleverness comes to the fore. All the young pups in the neighborhood or in the park want to know just how you do it. How do you so cleverly stalk the postal workers, setting them up for the big bark? Meanwhile, your people want to know just how you manage to escape time-and-time again from your comfortable kennel or blocked off room.

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